CO 


CD 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 

in  2007  with  funding  from 

Microsoft  Corporation 


http://www.archive.org/details/couponbondsplayiOOtrowrich 


kerr\     mi      bai/cp'C  I  PAST  REDEMPTION.    4  Acts.    Price  25  cts. 
ifeO.   m.   BAIS.EK  o     COMRADES.     3  Acts.    Price  25  cts. 

.,cu/    Hi  Avc  TITA:NIA.    A  Fairy  Play  for  Children.    2  Acts.    Price  25  cts. 

NfcW    rLAIO-         |  OUR  FOLKS.     3  Acts.    Price  15  cts. 
ANTA  CL.AUS   THE  FIRST.    A  Cbristmns  Play  for  Children.    By  F.  E.  Chase.   25  c. 
REBECCA'S   TRIUMPH.     For  female  characters  only.     Price  25  cts. 


1 1  1 1 


E 


BOSTON: 

GEORGE    M.    BAKER   &   CO., 

No.  47  Franklin  Street. 


Copyright,  1876,  by  George  M.  Baker. 


Spencer's  Universal  Stage. 

A  Collection  of  COMEDIES,  DRAMAS,  and   FARCES,  adapted  to  either  Public  or  Private 
Performance.    Containing  a  full  description  of  all  the 
necessary  Stage  Business. 

PRICE,   15   CENTS    EACH.      «-  No  Plays  Exchanged. 


1.  LOST  IN  LONDON.    A  Drama  in  3  Actr. 

6  male,  4  female  characters. 

2.  NICHOLAS    FLAM.   A  Comedy  in  2  Acts. 

By  J.  B.  Buckstone.    5  male,  3  female  char. 

3.  THE  WELSH  GIF.L.    A  Comedy  in  1  Act 

By  Mrs.  Blanche.    3  male,  2  female  char. 

4.  JOHN  "WOPPS.     A   Farce    in   1  Act     By 

W.  E.  Suter.    4  male,  2  female  char. 

5.  THE  TURKISH  BATH.    A  Farce  in  1  Act. 

By  Montague  Williams  and  F.  C.  Burnund. 
6  male,  1  female  char. 

6.  THE    TWO    PTJDDIFOOTS.    A  Farce  in  1 

Act.    By  J.  M.  Morton.    3  male,  3  female  char. 

7.  OLD    HONESTY.      A  Comic   Drama   in   2 

Acts.   By  J.  M.  Morton.   5  male  2  female  char. 

8.  TWO    GENTLEMEN    IN     A    FIX.     A 

Farce  in  1  Act.    By  W.  E.  Suter.    2  male  char. 
8.  SMASHING-TON    G-OIT.    A  Farce  in  I  Act. 
By  T.  J.  Williams.     5  male,  3  female  char. 

10.  TWO  HEADS  BETTER  THAN  ONE.  A 

Farce  in  1  Act.     By  Lenox  Home.    4  male, 
1  female  char. 

11.  JOHN  DOBBS.    A  Farce  in  1  Act   ByJ.M. 

Morton.    5  male,  2  female  char. 

12.  THE  DAUGHTER  of  the  REGIMENT. 

A  Drama  in  2  Acts.     By  Edward  Fitzball, 

6  male,  2  female  char. 
'3-  AUNT  CHARLOTTE'S  MAID.  A  Farce  in  1 

Act   By  J.  M.  Morton.    3  male,  3  female  char. 
14    BROTHER  BILL  AND  ME.    A  Farce  in 

1  Act.    By  W.  E.  Suter.   4  male,  3  female  char. 

15.  DONE    ON   BOTH    SIDES.    A  Farce  in  1 

Act.    By  J.  M.  Morton.    3  male,  2  female  char. 

16.  DUNDUCKETTY'S  PICNIC.   A  Farce  in  1 

Act.   By  T.  J.  Williams.  6  male,  3  female  char. 

17.  I'VE  WRITTEN  TO  BROWNE.   A  Farce 

inlAet    By  T.  J.  Williams.  4  mate,  3  female 

char. 
19   MY  PRECIOUS    BETSY.    A  Farce  in  1 

Act.  By  J.  M.  Morton.    4  male,  4  female  char. 
SO.  MY    TURN   NEXT.     A  Farce  in  1  Act   By 

T.  J.  Williams.    4  male,  3  female  char. 

22.  THE  PHANTOM  BREAKFAST.  A  Farce 

in  1  Act.  By  Chas.  Selby.  3  male,  2 female  char. 

23.  DANDELION'S  DODGES.     A  Farce  in  1 

Act.  By  T.  J.  Williams.    4  male,  2  female  char. 

24.  A  SLICE  OF  LUCK.    A  Farce  in  1  Act    By 

J.  M.  Morton.   4  male,  2  female  char. 

25.  ALWAYS    INTENDED.     A  Comedy  in  1 

Act  By  Horace  W  igan.   3  male,  3  female  char. 
26   A  BULL  IN  A  CHINA  SHOP.  A  Comedy 
in  2  Acts.    By  Charles  Matthews.    6  male,  4 
female  char. 

27.  ANOTHER  GLASS.   A  Drama  in  1  Act  By 

Thomas  Morton.    6  male,  3  female  char. 

28.  BOWLED    OUT.     A  Farce  in  1  Act   By  II. 

T.  Craven.   4  male,  3  female  char. 

29.  COUSIN  TOM.    A  Commedietta  in  1  Act.  By 

Geo.  Roberts.    3  male,  2  female  char. 
80.  SARAH'S   YOUNG   MAN.     A  Farce  iv  1 

Let     By  W.  E.  Suter.   3  male,  3  female  char. 
31-  HIT  HIM,  HE  HAS  NO  FRIENDS.    A 

Farce  in  1  Act.    By  E.  Yates  and  N.  H.  Har- 
rington-  7  male,  3  female  char. 
82    THE   CHRISTENING.    A  Farce  in  1  Act. 

By  J.  B.  Buckstone.   3  male  6  female  char. 
33.  A  RACE  FOR  A  WIDOW.     A  Farce  in  1 

Act.    ByT.  J.  Williams.   5  male,  4  female  char. 
S4    YOUR  LIFE'S  IN  DANGER.    A  Farce  in 

1  Act    By  J.  M.  Morton.  3  male,  3  female  char. 
35    TRUE  UNTO  DEATH.    A  Drama  in  2  Acts. 

Bv  J.  Sheridan  Knowles.  6  male,  2  female  char. 


36.  DIAMOND  CUT  DIAMOND.  An  Interlude 

in  1  Act.  By  W.  H.  Murray.  10  male,  1  female 
char. 

37.  LOOK  AFTER  BROWN.    A  Farce  in  1  Act 

By  George  A.  Stuart,  M.  D.  6  male,  1  female 
char. 

38.  MONSEIGNEUR.    A  Drama  in  3  Acts.    By 

Thomas  Axcher.    15  male,  3  female  char. 

39.  A   VERY    PLEASANT     EVENING.     A 

Farce  in  1  Act    By  W.  E.  Suter.   3  male  char. 

40.  BROTHER  BEN.    A  Farce  in  1  Act.    Br  J. 

Ml  Morton.    :?>  male,  3  female  char. 

41.  ONLY  A  CLOD.    A  Comic  Drama  in  1  Act 

By  J.  P.  Simpson.   4  male,  1  female  char. 

42.  GASPARDO     THE     GONDOLIER.      A 

Drama  in  3  Acts.  By  George  Almar.  10  male, 
2  female  char. 

43.  SUNSHINE  THROUGH  THE  CLOUDS. 

A  Drama  in  1  Act.  By  Slingsby  Lawrence.  3 
male,  3  female  char. 

44.  DON'T  JUDGE  BY  APPEARANCES.    A 

Farce  in  1  Act.  By  J.  M.  Morton.  3  male,  2 
female  char. 

45.  NURSE  Y  CHICKWEED.    A  Farce  in  1  Act 

By  T.  J.  Wiiliams.   4  male,  2  female  char. 

46.  MARY  MOO ;  or.  Which  shall  I  Marry? 

A  Farce  in  1  Act  By  W.  E.  Suter.  2  male,  1 
female  char. 

47.  EAST  LYNNE.    A  Drama  in  5  Acts.  8  male, 

7  female  char. 

48.  THE  HIDDEN  HAND.  A  Drama  in  5  Acts. 

By  Robert  Jones.    1C  male,  7  female  char. 

49.  SILVERSTONE'S  WAGER.    A  Commedi- 

etta in  1  Act  By  R.  R.  Andrews.  4  male,  3  fe- 
male char. 

60.  DORA.  A  Pastoral  Drama  in  3  Acts.  By  Chas. 
Reade.    5  male,  2  female  char. 

55.  THE  WIFE'S  SECRET.  A  Play  in  5  Acts. 
By  Geo.  W.  Lovell.   10  male,  2  female  char. 

66.  THE  BABES  IN  THE  WOOD.  A  Com- 
edy in  3  Acts,  By  Tom  Taylor.  10  male,  3  fe- 
male char. 

57.  PUTKINS  ,  Heir  *  3  Castles  in  the  Air. 

A  Comic  DTama  in  i  Act.   By  W.  R  Emerson. 

2  male,  2  fe.i.ale  char. 

58.  AN  UGI Y  CUSTOMER.    A  Farce  in  1  Act 

By  Th^nus  J.  Williams.    3  male,  2  female  char. 

59.  BLUE  AND  CHERRY.  A  Comedy  in  1  Act 

3  male,  2  female  char. 

60.  A   DOUBTFUL  VICTORY.   A  Comedy  in 

1  Act.    3  male,  2  female  char. 

61.  THE  SCARLET  LETTER.    A  Drama  in  3 

Acts.    8  male,  7  female  char. 

62.  WHICH  WILL  HAVE  HIM?    A  Vaude- 

ville.   1  male,  2  female  char. 

63.  MADAM  IS  ABED.    A  Vaudeville  in  1  Act. 

2  male,  2  female  char. 

64.  THE  ANONYMOUS  KISS.    A  Vaudeville. 

2  male,  2  female  char. 

65.  THE  CLEFT  STICK.    A  Comedy  in  3  Acts. 

5  male,  3  female  char. 

66.  A  SOLDIER.    A   SAILOR,  A  TINKER, 

AND  A  TAILOR.  A  Farce  in  1  Ac  i  4  male, 
2  female  char. 

67.  GIVE  A  DOG  A    BAD  NAME.    A  Farce. 

2  male,  2  female  char. 

68.  DAMON    AND    PYTHIAS.      A    Farce.    6 

male,  4  female  char. 

69.  A  HUSBAND  TO  ORDER.    A  Serio-comic 

Drama  in  2  Acts.    5  male,  3  femaie  char. 

70.  PAYABLE    ON   DEMAND.     A  Domestic 

Drama  in  2  Acts.    7  male,  1  female  char. 


Descriptive  Catalogue  mailed  free  on  application  to 

Geo.  M.  Bnkpr  Mr  fn..   47  Franklin  St. 


Uncton  . 


COUPON    BONDS 


A    PLAY  IN   FOUR    ACTS. 


BY 


J.    T.    TROWBRIDGE. 


BOSTON: 
GEO.   M.   BAKER   &   CO..   PUBLISHERS. 


Copyright,  1876, 
BY  J.  t.  trowbridg: 


Notb.  —  For  the  right  of  representation,  Managers  of  Theatres  caa 

address  the  Publishers. 


CHARACTERS. 

Pa  Ducklow,  a  well-to-do  Farmer. 
Reuben,  his  adopted  Son,  a  returned  Soldier. 
Taddy,  another  adopted  Son,  Boy  of  twelve  or  thirteen. 
Fekking,      ) 

jEPWORTH,}NeiShb°rS- 

Parson  Grantley,  an  old  Minister. 
Dick,  friend  of  Taddy,  Boy  of  thirteen. 
Ma  Ducklow,  Farmer's  Wife. 
Miss  Boswick,  elderly  Maiden  Lady. 
Sophronia,  Reuben' s  Wife. 


COSTUMES. 

Ducklow.  Act  I.,  blue  coat  with  brass  buttons,  dark  pants,  black  silk  vest, 
standing  collar,  checked  gingham  necktie,  with  gray  parti-bald  wig,  "stovepipe" 
hat,  overcoat.  For  the  remainder  of  the  piece,  change  to  working  dress,  slouch 
hat  and  smock  frock. 

Reuben.  Dark  pants,  slippers,  white  shirt  with  wide  collar,  uniform  coat 
of  a  private,  open  ;  arm  in  sling. 

Teddy.  Boy's  suit,  pants  buttoned  on  to  jacket,  white  collar,  battered  and 
torn  hat. 

Dick.    Jacket  and  overalls,  slouch  hat. 

Parson.     Black  suit,  white  neckerchief,  and  standing  collar. 

Ferring.     \ 

Jepworth.  ]  RouSh  farmer,s  suits' 

Airs.  Ducklow.  Cheap  calico  dress,  white  collar,  gray  hair,  cap,  cloak,  and 
bonnet. 

Miss  Beswick.    Ditto,  without  the  cap. 

Sophronia.     Brown  dress,  with  neat  white  collar  and  cuffs. 


M35301 


COUPON    BONDS. 

A   PLAY    IN    FOUR   ACTS. 


ACT  I. 

Scene.  —  The  Ducklow  Kitchen. 

In  flat  {back  side  of  the  room),  door,  c,  practicable  ;  window, 
with  adjustable  shade  or  curtain,  R.  c.  ;  row  of  pegs,  with 
old  coat,  slippers,  bootjack,  Qr'c.,  L.  c.  Chamber  door,  prac- 
ticable, L.  side.  Bedr oo7n  door,  practicable,  R.,  with  rattan 
on  hooks  beside  it,  towards  stage ;  R.  corner,  in  the  rear, 
sink  near  the  window,  with  shelf  for  mug,  cups,  tin  pail, 
&C.  Stove  between  it  and  bedroom  door.  L.  comer,  clock  ; 
L.  corner  and  side,  vacant  chairs.  Supper-table  with  one 
plate,  &*c.f  set  c.  As  curtain  rises,  Mrs.  Ducklow  is  dis- 
covered sewing,  r.  corner  of  table,  by  light  of  kerosene 
lamp.  Taddy  standing  near  stove.  There  is  an  outcry 
from  Taddy,  who  goes  jumping  about  the  room. 

Mrs.  Ducklow.     Why,  Taddy  !  what's  the  matter  ? 

Taddy  {sucking  the  back  of  his  hand).     Blast  her  pictur' ! 

Mrs.  D.     Blast  whose  pictur'  ? 

Tad.     That  cat's  !     Didn't  she  give  me  an  awful  scratch 
though  ! 

Mrs.  D.     What  was  you  a-doin'  to  the  cat  ? 

Tad.     Nothin'  much  !    {Sucks  back  of  his  hand.) 

Mrs.  D.     Answer  me  this  minute,  or  I'll —    {Beaches  for 
rattan.) 

Tad.     Oh  !  I'll  tell !  I'll  tell  !     I  was  only  jest  tryin'  to 
see  if  the  cat's  tail  would  go  into  the  nose  of  the  tea-kittle. 
i* 


COUPON  BONDS. 


Mrs.  D.  Cat's  tail'  into  the  nose  of  the  tea-kittle  !  I'll 
cat's  toil  }e,  ic  I  hear  of  any  more  such  nonsense.  Go  to 
bed  ! 

Tad.  Oh,  dear  !  can't  I  set  up  till  Pa  Ducklow  comes 
home  ?  He'll  want  me  to  hold  the  lantern  for  him  to  take 
care  of  the  hoss. 

Mrs.  D.  Go  to  bed,  I  tell  you  !  I  want  to  mend  your 
pants. 

Tad.  You're  always  wantin'  to  mend  my  pants  !  I  wish 
there  wasn't  such  a  thing  as  pants  in  the  world  ! 

Mrs.  D.  What  a  wish  that  is  !  Perty  looking  world  it 
would  be  without  pants,  wouldn't  it  ? 

Tad.     Don't  care  ! 

Mrs.  D.  Don't  care  ?  You're  an  ungrateful  child,  after 
all  the  trouble  and  expense  yer  Pa  Ducklow  and  me  have 
been  to,  to  feed  and  clothe  ye.  Where'd  ye  be  now,  do  ye 
think,  if  we  hadn't  adopted  ye  ? 

Tad.     I  shouldn't  be  goin'  to  bed  when  I  don't  want  ter  ! 

Mrs.  D.  You  wouldn't  be  going  to  bed  when  you  do  want 
to,  more  likely  ;  for  ten  to  one  ye  wouldn't  have  a  bed  to  go 
to.     Are  ye  goin'  ?     {Reaches  for  rattan.) 

Tad  (screams,  and  darts  to  chamber  door).  Yes  !  I'm  'most 
undressed  a'ready  !     (Disappears  behind  the  door.) 

Mrs.  D.  You  better!  Fling  me  yer  pants.  (Aside.)  I 
was  determined  to  have  him  outo'  the  way  'fore  his  Pa  Duck- 
low comes  home  ;  for  I  wouldn't  have  that  boy  git  an  idee  of 
what's  goin'  on,  for  then  everybody'd  know. 

Tad  (his  head  re-appears  from  behind  the  door,  his  hands 
holding  his  trousers).  If  she  likes  to  mend  so,  let  her  ! 
(Tears  them.) 

Mrs.  D.     Taddy  !  are  ye  tearin'  them  pants  ? 

Tad.  I  was  pullin'  on  'em  off.  I  never  see  such  mean 
cloth  ;  can't  touch  it,  but  it  tears.  Say,  Ma  Ducklow  !  do 
ye  think  he'll  bring  me  home  a  new  drum  ? 

Mrs.  D.     You'll  know  in  the  mornin'. 

Tad.  I  want  to  know  to-night.  He  said  mabby  he  would. 
Say  !  can't  I  set  up  ? 

Mrs.  D.  (rising,  and  seizing  rattan).  I'll  let  ye  know 
whether  ye  can  set  up  after  you've  been  told  so  many 
times  !     (Rushes  to7i>ards  chamber  door.) 

Tad  (flings  his  trousers  at  her,  and  disappears).  I'm 
abed  !  Say,  Ma  Ducklow,  I'm  abed  !  I'm  'most  asleep 
a'ready  ! 


COUPON    BONDS.  7 

Mrs.  D.  It's  a  good  thing  for  you,  you  be  !  {Takes  up 
trousers.)  Why,  Taddy,  you  did  tear  'em  !  I've  a  good  no- 
tion —  {Starts  angrily  towards  the  chamber  door,  but  stops  to 
listen.)  There  comes  his  Pa  Ducklow  !  I  hear  the  wagon  ! 
{Hurriedly  puts  up  rattan,  and  opens  door,  c.)  That 
you  ? 

Mr.  Ducklow  {without).    Yes. 

Mrs.  D.     Ye  want  the  lantern  ? 

Mr.  D.  {without).  No ;  just  set  the  lamp  in  the  winder. 
Whoa! 

(Taddy's  face  re-appears,  peeping.  Mrs.  D.  sets  lamp  in 
window.) 

Tad.     Has  he  brought  me  a  drum  ? 

Mrs.  D.  {rushes  for  the  rattan).  You  go  to  bed,  and  go  to 
sleep,  or  you'll  git  drummed! 

Tad  {screams  and  disappears).     I  be  !  I  be  ! 

Mrs.  D.  There  !  {Shuts  chamber  door.)  Don't  let  me 
hear  another  word  out  of  your  mouth  to-night,  if  you  know 
what's  good  for  yourself  !    • 

{As  she  is  going  Tad  puts  out  his  fist,  and  shakes  it  at  her 
back.  Mrs.  D.  sets  tea-pot,  toast,  &-»<:.,  on  the  table,  and 
arranges  dishes.    E titer  Mr.  Ducklow,  c,  with  parcels.) 

Mrs.  D.     Oh  !  did  you  buy  ?     {Replaces  lamp  on  table.) 

Mr.  D.  {Puts  down  parcels  on  the  table,  and  points  inter- 
rogatively at  chainber  door).     Hey  ? 

Mrs.  D.  Taddy  ?  He's  abed  ;  though  I  never  in  my  life 
had  such  a  time  gittin'  him  off  out  of  the  way,  for  he'd 
somehow  got  the  idee  that  you  was  to  bring  somethin',  and 
he  wanted  to  set  up  and  see  what  it  was. 

Mr.  D.  Strange  how  children  will  ketch  things  some- 
times, best  ye  can  do  to  prevent ! 

Mrs.  D.     But  did  ye  buy  ? 

Mr.  D.  Ye  better  jest  take  them  matches,  and  put  'em 
out  o'  the  way,  first  thing,  'fore  ye  forgit  it.  Matches  are 
dangerous  to  have  layin'  round,  and  I  never  feel  safe  till 
theyyre  safe.     {Hangs  up  hat  and  overcoat  o?i  pegs.) 

Mrs.  D.  {having  hastily  put  away  bunch  of  matches  in 
tin  pail  on  sink-shelf).  Come  !  what's  the  use  of  keepin' 
me  in  suspense  ?     Did  ye  buy  ? 

Mr.  D.  {taking  down  bootjack).     Where  did  ye  put  'em  ? 

Mrs.  D.  {sharply).  In  the  tin  pail,  where  we  always  keep 
'em,  of  course  ! 

Mr.  D.     Ye  needn't  be  so  cross.     I  asked  'cause  I  didn't 


8  COUPON    BONDS. 

hear  ye  put  the  cover  on.  I  don't  believe  ye  did  put  the 
cover  on  either,  an'  I  sha'n't  be  easy  till  ye  do. 

Mrs.  D.  {puts  on  pail-cover  with  a  sharp  clatter).  I  hope 
ye  heard  that  ! 

Mr.  D.  {looks  frowningly  at  her,  then  proceeds  to  pull  off" 
boot,  toe  under  the  rotmd  of  a  chair,  on  which  he  leans). 
Anybody  been  here  to-day  ? 

Mrs.  D.     No  !    {Sits  down  to  patch  Taddy's  trousers.) 

Mr.  D.     Ye  been  anywheres  ? 

Mrs.  D.     Yes  ! 

Mr.  D.  {with  excessive  mildness).     Where  ? 

Mrs.  D.     No  matter  ! 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  you  be  the  most  uncomf 'table  woman  to 
git  along  with,  ever  I  see  ! 

Mrs.  D.  If  you  can't  take  the  trouble  to  answer  my 
questions,  I  don't  see  why  I  should  answer  yours.  Yer 
supper's  ready  :  eat  it  when  ye  please. 

Mr.  D.     I  was  answerin'  ye  fast  as  I  could. 

Mrs.  D.     I  haven't  seen  any  signs  on't. 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  wal  !  ye  don't  see  every  thing.  {Draws  off 
boot :  envelope  containing  papers  falls  out)  You  see  now. 
{Hands  envelope) 

Mrs.  D.  {brightening).  Oh!  indeed!  is  this  the  —  do 
tell!  {Examines  a  paper,  while  Taddy peeps)  Did  you 
ever  ! .  I  want  to  know  !  But  what  made  you  carry  'em  in 
your  boot  so  ? 

Mr.  D.  {looks  cautiously  round,  and  speaks  in  a  sup- 
pressed voice).  To  tell  the  truth,  I  was  afraid  o'  bein' 
robbed.  Ye  see,  it's  jest  like  so  much  money!  {Arranges 
window-curtain.) 

Mrs.  D.  {alarmed).     Massy  sakes  ! 

Mr.  D.  This  is  the  bond,  you  see  ;  and  these  little  things 
is  the  cowpons. 

Mrs.  D.  Oh !  them's  the  cowpons,  be  they  ?  But 
what's  the  good  of  cowpons  ? 

Mr.  D.  Every  six  months  ye  cut  one  off,  take  it  to  the 
bank,  and  draw  yer  interest  in  gold. 

Mrs.  D.     Beautiful !    But  s'pose  ye  lose  the  bonds  ? 

Mr.  D.  That's  what  I  been  thinkin'  on  ;  that's  what's 
made  me  so  narvous.  Every  bush  by  the  road  had  a  robber 
behind  it,  and  I  was  glad  enough  to  git  safe  home  at  last ; 
though  I  don't  see  now  how  we're  goin'  to  keep  the  plaguy 
things  so  we  sha'n't  feel  uneasy  about  'em. 


COUPON    BONDS.  9 

Mrs.  D.  Massy  sakes  !  S'pose  the  house  should  ketch 
fire,  or  burglars  should  break  in  ?  I  don't  wonder  you  was 
so  partic:lar  'bout  the  matches.  I  shall  be  thinkin'  of 
fires  and  burglars  night  and  day  !  Oh  !  {Utters  a  wild 
scream  as  Taudy,  in  long  nightgown,  peeping  at  chamber 
door,  loses  his  balance,  and  plunges  head  foremost  into  the 
room.  Mr.  and  Mrs.  D.  show  violent  alarm,  and  clutch 
the  bonds.) 

Mr.  D.     Thaddeus  !  what  you  here  for  ? 

Tad.     Don't  know !     Fell. 

Mr.  D.  Fell!  What  are  you  out  o' yer  bed  for  ?  {Seizes 
Tad  by  the  shoulder) 

Tad.     Didn't  know  I  was  ! 

Mr.  D.  Didn't  know  you  was  !  {Shakes  him.)  Got 
up  without  knowin'  it !     How  could  that  happen  ? 

Tad.     Don'  know,  'thout  'twas  I  got  up  in  my  sleep. 

Mr.  D.     In  your  sleep  !     {Shakes  him.) 

Tad.  I  guess  so.  I  was  dreamin'  ye  brought  me  home 
a  new  drum,  tucked  down  yer  boot-leg. 

Mr.  D.  (aside  to  Mrs.  D.)  Strange!  (T^Taddy.)  How 
could  I  bring  home  a  drum  in  my  boot-leg  ? 

Tad.  Don'  know  :  'thout  it's  a  new  kind,  one  that'll  shet 
up.     Say  !  did  ye  ?     What's  them  things  ? 

(Mrs.  D.  replaces  bonds  in  envelope,  and  ties  a  string 
around  it.) 

Mr.  D.  Nothin'  little  boys  know  any  thing  about.  Back 
to  bed  with  ye,  and  don't  ye  walk  in  yer  sleep  any  more  to- 
night, or  you'll  get  waked  up  in  a  way  ye  don't  like.  (Takes 
slippers  from  Peg.) 

Tad.  You've  shook  me  'most  to  pieces  a'ready.  (Goes, 
whimperhig.) 

Mrs.  D.     There,  there  !  somebody's  a-comin'  ! 

(A  knock.  Mrs.  D.  hides  bonds  in  her  bosom.  Tad 
retires.) 

Mr.  D.     Who  can  it  be  this  time  o'  night  ? 

Mrs.  D.  I  wish,  whoever  it  is.  they'd  keep  away  !  Go 
to  the  door,  why  don't  ye  ?     (Sews.) 

Mr.  D.  (at  door,  c).  Ah,  Miss  Beswick  !  walk  in.  (Enter 
Miss  Beswick,  with  shawl  over  her  head.) 

Mrs.  D.  What,  that  you  !  Where  on  airth  did  ye  come 
from.  Miss  Beswick  ?  —  Set  her  a  chair,  why  don't  ye,  father? 

Mr.  D.  (hurriedly  putting  on  slippers).  Take  a  seat,  Miss 
Beswick. 


IO  COUPON    BONDS. 

Miss  Beswick..  Thank  ye.  I  s'pose  you'll  think  I'm 
wild,  makin'  calls  at  this  hour.     (Sits  l.  c.) 

Mrs.  D.  (aside).  What  under  heavens  can  she  be  after? 
—  Why,  no,  I  don't ;  you're  jest  in  time  to  set  up  and  take  a 
cup  o'  tea  with  my  husband.  I  sha'n't  be  jealous.  Take  off 
yer  things,  won't  ye  ? 

Miss  B.  Thank  ye.  I  don't  go  visitin'  to  take  off  my 
things  and  drink  tea  this  time  o'  night.  (Slips  shawl  from 
her  head)     I've  jest  run  over  to  tell  ye  the  news. 

Mrs.  D.  Nothin'  bad,  I  hope  !  No  robbers  in  town,  for 
massy  sake  !     (Claps  hand  on  bosom) 

Miss  B.  No;  good  news,  —  good  for  Sophrony,  at  any 
rate. 

Mrs.  D.     Ah  !  she  has  heard  from  Reuben  ? 

Miss  B.     No. 

Mr.  D.  (at  table,  a).     What,  then,  Miss  Beswick  ? 

Miss  B.     Reuben's  come  home. 

Mrs.  D.     Home  ! 

Mr.  D.     Come  home  !     When  ? 

Miss  B.  'Bout  an  hour  an'  a  half  ago.  I  happened  to  be 
in  to  Sophrony's.  I'd  jest  gone  over  to  set  with  her  a  little 
while  and  keep  her  company,  as  I've  often  done,  she  'seems 
so  lonely,  livin'  there  with  her  two  children,  her  husband 
away  so.  Her  friends  hain't  been  none  too  attentive  to  her 
in  his  absence,  she  thinks,  an'  so  I  think. 

Mrs.  D.  I  hope  ye  don't  mean  that  as  a  hint  to  us,  Miss 
Beswick. 

Miss  B.  Take  it  as  such  or  not,  jest  as  ye  please.  You 
know  best  whether  you've  done  your  duty  to  Sophrony 
and  her  family,  whilst  her  husband's  been  off  to  the  war. 
You  never  had  any  boys  of  your  own,  an'  so  ye  adopted 
Reuben,  jest  as  you've  lately  adopted  Thaddeus  ;  an'  I  s'pose 
you  think  you've  done  well  by  him. 

Mr.  D.  I  hope  no  one  thinks  or  says  the  contrary. 
(Eats  nervozcsly.) 

Miss  B.  There  may  be  two  opinions  on  that  p'int,  Mr. 
Ducklow.  Reuben  come  to  you  when  he  was  jest  old  enough 
to  be  of  use  about  the  house  and  on  the  farm;  and,  if  I  recol- 
lect right,  ye  didn't  incourage  idleness  in  him  very  much ; 
no.  indeed  ! 

Mrs.  D.  Nobody  can  say  we  overworked  the  boy,  or  ill- 
used  him  in  any  way. 

Miss   B.     No,  Mis'  Ducklow.     But,  now  you've  set  me 


COUPON    BONDS.  II 

talkin',  I  may  as  well  speak  out.  Reuben  was  always  a  good 
boy,  and  a  willin'  boy  ;  and  he  paid  his  way  from  the  fust. 

Mr.  D.  I  don't  know  about  that.  He  was  a  good  and 
willin'  boy,  as  you  say  ;  but  the  expense  of  feedin'  and 
clothin'  on  him  — 

Miss  B.  He  paid  his  way  from  the  fust !  And  latterly 
he  was  better'n  any  hired  man  to  you  ;  for  he  was  faithful, 
and  took  an  interest,  as  I've  heard  you  say  yourself,  Mr. 
Ducklow. 

Mr.  D.  Reuben  was  faithful :  I  never  denied  that ;  I 
never  denied  that. 

Miss  B.  Well,  he  staid  with  you  till  he  was  twenty-one  ; 
did  ye  a  man's  sarvice  the  last  five  years.  Then  ye  give  him 
what  ye  called  a  settin-out,  —  new  suit  o'  clothes,  yoke  of  oxen, 
some'farm-tools,  an'  a  hundred  dollars  in  money.  You,  with 
your  thousands,  Mr.  Ducklow,  give  him  a  hundred  dollars  ! 

Mr.  D.  That  was  only  a  beginning  only  a  beginnin',  I've 
always  said. 

Miss  B.  An'  I  s'pose  you'll  continner  to  say  it  till  the 
day  o'  yer  death.  Then  maybe  you'll  remember  Reuben  in 
your  will.  That's  the  way ;  keep  puttin'  on  him  off,  long's 
ye  can  possibly  hold  on  to  yer  property  yourself  ;  then, 
when  ye  see  you've  got  to  go  and  leave  it,  give  him  what 
you  ought  to've  gi'n  him  years  before.  There  ain't  much 
merit  in  that  kind  o'  justice  :  did  ye  know  it,  Mr.  Ducklow  ? 
He  took  the  Moseley  farm,  and  was  doin'  well ;  then  he 
married  Sophrony,  an'  a  good,  faithful  wife  she's  been  to 
him :  and  finally  he  concluded  to  buy  the  farm,  an'  you 
yourself  said  'twas  a  good  idee. 

Mr.  D.  So  it  was  :  Reuben  used  judgment  in  that;  and 
he'd  have  got  along  well  enough  if  it  hadn't  been  for  the  war. 

Miss  B.  Jest  so  !  If  t  hadn't  been  for  the  war.  That 
broke  out,  and  he  left  to  sarve  his  country.  His  business 
was  as  important,  and  his  wife  and  children  as  dear  to  him, 
as  anybody's  ;  but  he  felt  it  his  duty  to  go,  and  he  went. 
You  didn't  discourage  his  goin',  nor  you  didn't  zVzcourage 
him  neither,  as  you'd  ought  to. 

Mr.  D.  Why  !  what  on  airth,  Miss  Beswick  !  Seems  to 
me  you've  taken  it  upon  yourself  to  say  things  that's  un- 
called for,  to  say  the  least.  As  if  I  didn't  know  my  own  duty 
and  intentions  ! 

Mrs.  D.  I  s'pose  she's  been  talkin'  with  Sophrony,  and 
she's  sent  her  to  interfere. 


12  COUPON    BONDS. 

Miss  B.  Mis'  Ducklow,  you  don't  s'pose  no  such  a  thing 
You  know  Sophrony  wouldn't  send  anybody  on  such  an 
arrant ;  and  you  know  I  ain't  a  person  to  be  made  a  cat's- 
paw  of  by  her  nor  anybody  else.  I  ain't  handsome,  not  par- 
ticularly ;  and  I  ain't  wuth  my  thousands,  like  some  folks 
I  know ;  and  I  never  got  married,  for  the  best  reason  in  the 
world,  —  them  I  would  have  didn't  offer  themselves,  and 
them  that  did  offer  themselves  I  wouldn't  shake  a  stick  at ; 
and  I  ain't  so  good  a  Christian  as  I  might  be,  I'm  aware.  I 
know  my  lacks  as  well  as  anybody ;  but  bein'  a  cat's-paw 
ain't  one  of  'em.  So,  when  you  say  you  s'pose  Sophrony 
sent  me,  I  say  you  s'pose  what  ain't  true,  and  what  you 
know  ain't  true,  Mis'  Ducklow  ! 

Mr.  D.  Why  can't  ye  leave  us  to  do  what  we  think's  our 
duty  ?     Every  one  ought  to  have  that  privilege. 

Miss  B.     You  think  so  ? 

Mr.  D.     Sartin,  Miss  Beswick  ;  don't  you  ? 

Miss  B.     Why,  then,  I  ought  to  have  the  same. 

Mr.  D.  Of  course  ;  nobody  in  this  house  '11  prevent 
your  doin'  what  you  think's  your  duty. 

Miss  B.  Thank  ye  !  Much  obleeged  !  Now,  I  thinkk's 
my  duty  to  tell  ye  what  I  been  tellin'  ye,  an'  what  I'm  goin' 
to  tell  ye. 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  wal,  I  can't  hender  yer  talkin',  I  s'pose ; 
though  it  seems  a  man  ought  to  have  a  right  to  peace  and 
quiet  in  his  own  house. 

Miss  B.  Yes,  an'  in  his  own  conscience.  If  you'll 
hearken  to  me  now,  I  promise  you'll  have  peace  an'  quiet 
in  your  conscience,  and  in  your  house  too,  as  you've  never 
had  yet. 

Mr.  D.     Wal,  wal  ! 

Miss  B.  I  s'pose  you  know  your  great  fault,  don't  ye  ? 
Graspin',  —  that's  your  fault,  that's  your  besettin'  sin.  Mr. 
Ducklow.  You  used  to  give  it  as  your  excuse  for  not  helpin' 
Reuben  more,  that  you  had  a  darter  to  pervide  for. 

Mr.  D.     So  we  had,  so  we  had,  Miss  Beswick. 

Miss  B.  Wal,  yer  darter  has  got  married,  —  married  a 
rich  man  (you  looked  out  for  that) ;  an'  she's  pervided  for,  fur 
as  property  can  pervide  for  any  one.  Now,  without  a  child 
in  the  world  to  feel  anxious  about,  you  keep  layin'  up, 
\ayin'  up,  and  '11  continner  to  lay  up,  I  s'pose,  till  ye  die, 
and  leave  a  great  fortin  to  yer  darter,  and  jest  a  pittance  to 
Reuben  and  Thaddeus. 


COUPON    BONDS.  1 3 

Mr.  D.  No,  no,  Miss  Beswick :  you're  wrong,  you're 
wrong,  Miss  Beswick  !  I  mean  to  do  the  handsome  thing 
by  both  of  'em. 

Miss  B.  Mean  to  !  mean  to  !  That's  the  way  ye  flatter 
yer  conscience,  and  cheat  your  own  soul.  Why  don't  ye  do 
what  ye  mean  to  do  at  once,  an'  make  sure  on't  ?  I  tell  ye,  the 
time  is  comin'  when  the  recollection  of  havin'  done  a  good 
action  will  be  a  greater  comfort  to  ye  than  all  the  property 
in  the  world.  Then  you'll  look  back  and  say,  "  Why  didn't 
I  do  this  and  do  that  with  my  money,  when  'twas  in  my 
power,  'stid  of  hoardin'  up,  and  hoardin'  up  for  others  to 
spend  arter  me  ?  " 

Mr.  D.     Wal,  wal,  Miss  Beswick  ! 

Miss  B.  As  I  said,  ye  didn't  rtfocourage  Reuben  goin'  to 
the  war,  and  ye  didn't  zV/courage  him  the  way  ye  might. 
You'd  ought  to  've  said  to  him,  "  Go,  Reuben,  if  ye  see  it  to 
be  yer  duty,  and,  as  fur  as  money  goes,  ye  sha'n't  suffer  for 
it ;  I'll  see't  yer  debts  are  paid,  and  yer  family  kep'  com- 
f'table  while  you're  away."  That's  jest  what  ye  didn't  say, 
and  that's  jest  what  ye  didn't  do,  Mr.  Ducklow.  All  the 
time  JReuben's  been  sarvin'  his  country,  he's  had  his  debts 
and  his  family  expenses  to  worry  him  ;  and  it's  been  all 
Sophrony  could  do,  by  strainin'  every  narve,  to  keep  her 
children  from  goin'  hungry  and  ragged.  You've  helped  'em 
a  little  now  and  then,  by  driblets,  —  but  then  ! 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  you've  read  us  a  perty  smart  lectur',  I  must 
say  !  I  can't  consaive  what  should  make  ye  take  such  an 
interest  in  our  affairs. 

Miss  B.  Take  an  interest !  Haven't  I  seen  Sophrony's 
struggles  with  her  children  ?  Haven't  I  seen  Reuben  come 
home  this  very  night  a  sick  man,  with  a  broken  constitution, 
and  no  prospect  before  him  but  to  give  up  his  farm,  lose  all 
he  has  paid,  and  be  throwed  onto  the  world  with  his  wife 
and  children  ?  Take  an  interest !  I  wish  you  took  half  as 
much.  Here  I've  set  half  an  hour,  an'  ye  haven't  thought 
to  ask  how  Reuben  appeared,  nor  any  thing  about  him. 

Mr.  D.  Maybe  there's  good  reason  for  that,  Miss  Bes- 
wick. 'Twas  on  my  lips  to  ask  half  a  dozen  times  ;  but 
you've  talked  so  fast  I  couldn't  slip  in  a  word  edgeways. 

Miss  B.  Wal,  I'm  glad  you've  got  some  excuse,  though 
a  poor  one. 

Mrs.  D.     How  is  Reuben  ? 

Miss  B.  All  broke  to  pieces,  —  a  mere  shadder  of  what 
2 


14  COUPON    BONDS. 

he  was  !  He  was  in  the  hospitals  with  his  wound,  ye  know ; 
but  finally  the  doctors  seen  ?t  his  only  chance  wis  in 
bein'  sent  home,  weak  as  he  was.  Oh,  if  you  could  have 
seen  his  meetin'  with  Sophrony,  as  I  did  !  then  you  wouldn't 
sneer  at  my  takin'  an  interest!  {Wipes  her  eyes  with  a 
corner  of  her  apron)  It's  a  pity  ye  didn't  know  he  was  in 
town,  when  you  was  there  to-day :  then  you  might  have 
brought  him  over.  But  I  s'pose  you  had  your  investments 
to  look  arter.  Come  now,  Mr.  Ducklow,  how  many  thou- 
san'  dollars  have  you  invested  sence  Reuben's  been  off  to 
the  war,  and  his  family  has  been  sufferin'  to  home  ?  You 
may  have  been  layin'  up  hundreds,  or  even  thousan's,  that 
way,  this  very  day,  for  aught  I  know.  {Rises.)  But  le'  me 
tell  ye,  you  won't  git  no  good  o'  such  property  —  it'll  only 
be  a  cuss  to  ye  —  till  ye  do  the  right  thing  by  Reuben. 
{Puts  shawl  over  her  head.) 

Mrs.  D.  Ye  ain't  goin',  be  ye,  Miss  Beswick  ?  What's 
yer  hurry  ? 

Miss  B.  No  hurry,  but  I've  done  my  arrant,  and  said  my 
say,  an'  may  as  well  be  goin'.  Good-night.  Good-night,. 
Mr.  Ducklow.     {Exit.) 

Mrs.  D.     Did  you  ever  ! 

Mr.  D.     She's  got  a  tongue. 

Mrs.  D.  Strange  she.  should  speak  of  your  investin' 
money  to-day  !     D'ye  s'pose  she  knows  ? 

Mr.  D.  I  don't  see  how  she  can.  {Walks  the  room  in 
deep  trouble.)  I've  been  careful  not  to  give  a  hint  on't  to 
any  one,  for  I  knew  jest  what  folks  would  say  :  'k  If  Duck- 
low's  got  so  much  money  to  dispose  of,  he'd  better  give 
Reuben  a  lift."     I  know  how  folks  talk. 

Mrs.  D.  Comin'  here  to  browbeat  us  !  I  wonder  ye 
didn't  be  a  little  more  plain  with  her,  father.  I  wouldn't 
have  sot  and  been  dictated  to  as  tamely  as  you  did. 

Mr.  D.  You  wouldn't  ?  Then  why  did  ye  ?  She  dictat- 
ed to  you  as  much  as  she  did  to  me  ;  and  you  scurce  opened 
your  head  ;  you  didn't  dars'  to  say  your  soul  was  your  own. 

Mrs.  D.     Yes,  I  did:  I  — 

Mr.  D.  You  ventur'd  to  speak  once,  and  she  shet  ye  up 
quicker'n  lightnin'  !  Now  tell  about  you  wouldn't  have  sot 
and  been  dictated  to  like  a  tame  noodle,  as  I  did  ! 

Mrs.  D.     I  didn't  say  tame  noodle  / 

Mr.  D.     Yes,  ye  did  ! 

Mrs.  D.     I  tell  ye  I  didn't ! 


COUPON    BONDS.  1 5 

Mr.  D.  Ye  did  !  I  might  have  answered  back  sharp 
enough,  but  I  was  waiting  for  you  to  speak.  Men  don't  like 
to  dispute  with  women. 

Mrs.  D.  That's  your  git-off.  You  was  just  as  much 
afraid  of  her  as  I  was.  I  never  see  ye  so  cowed  in  all  my 
life  ! 

Mr.  D.  Cowed  ?  I  wasn't  cowed  neither  !  I  never  see 
you  lose  sperit  so  :  ye  wilted  down  like  a  dish-rag  !  (lak- 
itig  his  boots) 

Mrs.  D.  Ye  haven't  got  to  go  out  again  to-night,  have 
ye  ? 

Mr.  D.     I'm  goin'  over  to  Reuben's. 

Mrs.  D.     To  Reuben's  ? 

Mr.  D.  Yes,  I  think  I  better.  He  and  Sophrony'll 
know  we  heard  of  his  gettin'  home,  and  they're  enough 
inclined  a'ready  to  think  we  neglect  'em.  Haven't  ye  got 
somethin'  ye  can  send  ? 

Mrs.  D.  I  don't  know.  I've  scurce  ever  been  over  to 
Sophrony's.  but  I've  carried  her  a  pie  or  cake  or  somethin'  ; 
and  mighty  little  thanks  I've  got  for  it,  as  it  turns  out. 

Mr. "D.  Why  didn't  you  say  that  to  Miss  Beswick,  when 
she  was  runnin'  us  so  hard  about  never  doin'  any  thing  for 
'em? 

Mrs.  D.  'Twouldn't  have  done  no  good.  I  know  jest 
what  she  would  say  :  "  What's  jest  a  pie  or  cake  now  and 
then  ?  "  Dear  me  !  what  have  I  been  doin'  ?  Sewin'  my 
apron  to  the  seat  of  Taddy's  pants,  sure  as  I'm  alive  ! 
(Holds  up  the  pants.)  I  do  wish  folks  would  mind  their  own 
business,  and  stay  to  home  ! 

Mr.  D.  (putting  on  overcoat).     You've  got  the  bonds  safe  ? 

Mrs.  D.  Yes,  and  tied  a  string  around  the  wrapper.  But 
I  won't  engage  to  keep  'em  safe.  They  make  me  terrible 
fidgety  ! 

Mr.  D.     Don't  be  foolish. 

Mrs.  D.  I'm  afraid  to  be  left  alone  in  the  house  with 
'em  !     Here,  take  'em  ! 

Mr.  D.  What  possible  harm  can  happen  to  them  or  you 
while  I'm  away  ?  You  don't  s'pose  I  want  to  lug  'em  around 
with  me  wherever  I  go,  do  ye  ? 

Mrs.  D.  I  don't  see  what  under  the  sun  we're  goin'  to  do 
with  'em  !  If  we  go  out  we  can't  take  'em  with  us  for  fear  of 
'losin'  'em,  or  of  bein'  robbed  ;  and  we  sha'n't  dare  to  leave 
'em  to  home,  fear  the  house'll  burn  up  or  be  broke  into.     I 


1 6  COUPON    BONDS. 

don't  know  but  it'll  be  about  as  Miss  Beswick  says  :  we 
sha'n't  take  no  comfort  with  property  we  ought  to  make  over 
to  Reuben. 

Mr.  D.  Do  you  think  we  ought  to  make  it  over  to  Reu- 
ben ?     If  ye  do,  it's  new  to  me  ! 

Mrs.  D.  I  guess  we  better  put  'em  into  the  clock-case  for 
to-night,  hadn't  we  ? 

Mr.  D.  Just  where  they'll  be  discovered  if  the  house  is 
robbed  !  No,  I've  an  idee.  Slip  'em  under  the  bedroom 
carpet.  Le'  me  take  'em.  I  can  fix  a  place  right  here  by  the 
door. 

(As  they  are  concealing  the  bonds,  r.,  Taddy  enters  softly, 
L.,  on  tiptoe,  watching  them) 

Mrs.  D.     That's  jest  the  place  fer  'em  ! 

Mr.  D.  I  defy  anybody  to  find  'em  there  !  What  noise 
was  that  ? 

Mrs.  D.  Thaddeus  !  (Taddy  darts  back.)  Thaddeus  ! 
(He  stops.)     What  do  you  want  now,  you  sir  ? 

Tad.     I  want  you  to  scratch  my  back. 

Mrs.  D.  (seizes  rattan)  I'll  scratch  your  back  for  ye  ! 
(Pursues  him  out  by  chamber  door;  Taddy's  screams  and 
sounds  of  rattan  are  heard.  Mrs.  D.  re-enters)  He  won't 
want  his  back  scratched  again  for  one  while  !  (Puts  up  rat- 
tan.) 

Mr.  D.     S'pose  he  see  us  ? 

Mrs.  D.  If  he  did,  I've  whipped  it  out  of  him!  Don't 
think  of  goin'  over  to  Reuben's  to-night.  It's  nine  o'clock : 
they'll  all  be  locked  up  and  abed  and  asleep,  like  as  not. 
Wait  till  mornin',  and  I'll  tide  over  with  ye.  (Clears  table ; 
takes  dishes  to  sink  ) 

Mr.  D.  W;il,  I  s'pose  I  must  do  as  you  say.  (Takes  off 
overcoat  and  boots)  I  can't  help  thinkin'  of  Miss  Beswick: 
I  never  was  so  worked  up  in  mv  life  ! 

Mrs.  D.     Wal,  wal,  forgit  it'! 

Mr.  D.  I  feel  as  though  I  ought  to've  gone  over  to  Reu- 
ben's ;  and  I  should  have  gone  if 't  hadn't  been  for  you. 

Mrs.  D.  Now,  how  unreasonable  to  blame  me  !  I  only 
reminded  you  how  late  it  was. 

Mr.  D.  I  s'pose  I  may  as  well  go  to  bed,  but  I  don't 
believe  I  shall  sleep  a  wink.  (Lays  coat  and  vest  on  chair; 
locks  the  door ;  winds  the  clock)- 

Mrs.  D.  /  shall  sleep  with  a  clear  conscience.  Miss 
Beswick  can't  make  me  lose  a  wink  o'  sleep.  Did  ye  lock 
the  door  ? 


COUPON    BONDS.  1 7 

Mr.  D.  Ye  don't  think  I'd  neglect  that,  with  cowpon 
bonds  in  the  house,  do  ye  ?     {Retires  to  bedroom) 

Mrs.  D.  Can't  be  too  careful.  (Tries  the  lock.)  I'll  leave 
the  dishes  till  mornin'.  (Tries  window  fastening.)  Massy 
sakes  alive  ! 

Mr.  D.  (puts  his  head  out  of  the  bedroom,  with  nightcap 
on).     What,  mother? 

Mrs.  D.  You  didn't  pull  the  curtain  clear  down  on  this 
side;  and  anybody  might  have  looked  in,  and  seen  us  put 
—  you  know  what  —  under  the  —  you  know. 

Mr.  D.  Nonsense  !  Don't  be  so  foolish.  Come  to  bed. 
(Withdraws.) 

Mrs.  D.  I  should  'a'  thought  you'd  been  more  careful 
about  the  curtain  !     (Exit  R.  with  lamp.     Stage  darkened.) 

(Mr.  D.  re-enters,  in  ?iightgown  over  pants  and  stock- 
ings.) 

Mr.  D.  Like  as  not,  when  she  tried  to  lock  the  door  after 
me,  she  ?/;zlocked  it.  (Gropes  his  way  to  door;  tries  lock; 
then  tries  window-fastenings)  These  cowpon  bonds  make 
me  dre'ful  skittish  somehow  ! 

Mrs.  D.  (sharply ;  from  bedroom).  Why  don't  ye  come  to 
bed  ? 

Mr.  D.     Wal,  wal  !     (Withdraws) 

(Sound  of  voices  without;  they  grow  loud  and  distinct) 

Mrs.  D.     You  did  ! 

Mr.  D.     I  didn't ! 

Mrs.  D.     I  say  you  did  ! 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  wal !  No  use  disputin'.  What's  the  mat- 
ter now  ? 

Mrs.  D.  Hush  !  (Enters  r.  ;  nightcap  on  her  head, 
shawl  over  her  shoulders,  petticoat  and  stockings  visible. 
Pauses  to  listen) 

Mr.  D.  (shows  his  head).     What  did  ye  hear  ? 

Mrs.  D.  Hush  !  I  thought  as  much  as  could  be  I  heard 
somebody  gettin'  into  the  winder  ! 

Mr.  D.  That's  all  your  narvousness  !  Why  can't  ye 
come  to  bed  and  be  quiet?     (Withdraws) 

Mrs.  D.  I  never  in  my  life  heard  the  floors  creak  so  ! 
Seems  as  though  there  was  somebody  in  the  house.  (With' 
draws.) 

Mr.  D.  (re-appears,  snuffing). 

Mrs.  D.  (shows  her  head).     What's  the  matter  now  ? 

Mr.  D.  (snuffs).     Don't  you  smell  somethin' ? 

2* 


1 8  COUPON    BONDS. 

Mrs.  D.  {snuffs).  Why,  no — yes  —  I  do'  know  !  {They 
both  snuff) 

Mr.  D.     Somethin'  burnin'  ! 

Mrs.  D.     Can't  be  the  matches,  can  it  ?     {Both  snuff) 

Mr.  D.     I  thought  of  the  matches.     Good  heavens  ! 

Mrs.  D.     Why  !  what,  father  ? 

Mr.  D.  Taddy's  been  walkin'  in  his  sleep  again,  found 
the  matches,  and  sot  the  house  afire ! 

Mrs.  D.  Massy  sakes  !  No  !  here's  the  matches  all 
safe.     It's  all  your  imagination,  father. 

Mr.  D.  My  imagination  !  You  was  jest  as  frightened  as 
I  was.  I  smelt  somethin',  sartin  !  though  I  can't  smell  it 
now  {snuffs),  not  quite  so  distinck. 

Mrs.  D.  I'm  sure  I  wa'n't  a  bit  frightened  !  But  I 
thought  I  heard  somebody  in  the  house  once.  I  wish  you'd 
jest  put  your  hand  down,  and  see  if  —  you  know  what  —  is 
still  there. 

Mr.  D.  There?  of  course  it  is.  {Feels  for  the  bonds.) 
Good  gracious  ! 

Mrs.  D.     They  ain't  gone,  be  they? 

Mr.  D.  Sure  as  the  world  !  No,  here  they  be  !  I  didn't 
feel  in  the  right  place. 

Mrs.  D.  How  you  did  frighten  me  !  My  heart  almost 
jumped  out  of  my  mouth  !  You're  so  plaguy  narvous,  I 
won't  sleep  with  ye,  but  jest  lop  down  on  the  lounge  as  I  be  ! 
( Withdraws) 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  wal  !  If  I'm  any  more  narvous'n  you  be, 
I'm  to  be  pitied  !     {Withdraws) 

{Silence.  Dark  stage.  A  snore  from  Mr.  D.  Presently 
Mrs.  D.  re-appears,  groping  cautiously) 

Mrs.  D.  How  he  can  sleep,  I  don't  see  !  I'm  sure  I 
heard  somebody  breakin'  into  the  door  this  time.     {Gropes) 

Mr.  D.  {re-appears).  -Somethin'  woke  me  f  {Listens) 
How  she  can  sleep  there  on  that  lounge  so,  when  the  house 
is  full  of  noises,  I  can't  consaive  !  I'm  sure  I  heard  the 
door. 

{Both  grope,  and  finally,  coining  together,  utter  screams  of 
terror,  when  the  curtain  falls) 


Act  ii. 

Scene.  —  Sitting-Room  in  Reuben's  House. 

Table  in  rear,  r.     Sofa,  l.,  towards  front  of  stage.    Enter 
Ferring  ««^  Jepworth,  r.,  conversing. 

Ferring.  War's  a  humbug,  war's  a  humbug,  Neighbor 
Jepworth  !     {Puts  hat  on  table.) 

Jepworth.  The  war  is  to  save  the  country.  {Places  hat 
on  table.) 

Fer.  Country's  ruined,  country's  ruined,  Neighbor  Jep- 
worth !     We  have  no  country. 

Jep.     Unless  the  Rebellion  can  be  put  down. 

Fer.  Can't  be  put  down,  can't  be  put  down,  Neighbor 
Jepworth  !  What's  the  use  of  our  young  men  throwing 
away  their  lives  in  this  way  ?  Look  at  Reuben !  lost  his 
health,  lost  his  farm,  — fine  a  young  fellow  as  ever  was, — 
have  to  go  to  the  poorhouse  ! 

Jep.     His  friends  won't  allow  that. 

Fer.     Who  are  his  friends  ? 

Jep.     Why,  there's  Ducklow. 

Fer.  {snaps  his  fingers).  So  much  for  Ducklow  !  Reu- 
ben's adopted  father  pretends  to  be  a  Union  man ;  but 
what's  he  done  for  the  Union  or  for  Reuben  ?  Both'll  go  to 
ruin  for  all  he'll  ever  do  to  save  'em  ! 

Jep.     Here's  Reuben  now.     Poor  fellow  !     {Exit  L.) 

Fer.  I've  great  respect  for  Reuben  ;  but  the  war's  a 
humbug,  war's  a  humbug,  Neighbor  Jepworth  !  {Follows 
Jepworth  out.  Enter  r.,  Mr.  Ducklow  in  overcoat  a?id 
hat.  and  Mrs.  Ducklow  in  cloak,  bonnet,  <Srv.) 

Mr.  D.  I  thought  we  was  goin'  to  be  here  the  fust  ones  ; 
show  our  good-will  to  Reuben  by  comin'  airly  ;  but  I  believe 
some  of  the  neighbors  are  here  before  us.  Now,  there'll 
be  remarks  about  that !     {Places  hat  on  floor  at  end  of  sofa.) 

Mrs.  D.     I  had  a  glimpse  of  Miss  Beswick  at  the  winder  ! 

19 


20  COUPON    BONDS. 

Mr.  D.     She  agin  ! 

Mrs.  D.  I've  as  good  a  notion  to  turn  round  and  go 
Straight  home  as  ever  I  had  to  eat.     {Takes  off  bonnet) 

Mr.  D.  We  might  have  got  off  sooner,  if  you  hadn't 
been  so  late  about  breakfast. 

Mrs.  D.     I  late  !     'Twas  you  that  overslep'  yourself. 

Mr.  D.  No  wonder  if  I  did  drowse  a  little  this  mornin', 
after  you'd  kep'  me  awake  half  the  night  with  your  narvous- 
ness. 

Mrs.  D.     My  narvousness  !     {Takes  off  cloak.) 

Mr.  D.  No  use  bein'  so  foolish.  We  might  live  in  the 
house  a  hundred  years,  and  not  hear  of  a  robber  or  a  fire. 
Ye  only  excite  yerself,  and  keep  me  awake. 

Mrs.  D.  {smoothing her  hair).  I  should  like  to  know  iiyou 
didn't  git  jest  as  excited  as  I  did,  and  rob  me  of  my  sfeep 
jest  as  much  as  I  did  you  ! 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  wal  !  We  must  find  Reuben.  Why,  here 
he  comes  !  {Enter  l.,  Reuben,  his  right  arm  in  a  sling, 
Sophronia  supporting  him,  Miss  Beswick,  Ferring,  and 
Jepworth.) 

Mrs.  D.     Dear  me  !  how  pale  ! 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  Reuben  !  glad  to  see  ye,  glad  to  see  ye  ! 
{Shakes  Reuben's  left  hand.)  This  is  a  joyful  day  I  scurce 
ever  expected  to  see  !  Why,  ye  don't  look  so  sick  as  I 
thought  ye  would  !  —  Does  he,  mother  ? 

Mrs.  D.  I'd  no  idee  he  could  be  so  very,  so  very  pale 
and  thin  !     {Uses  handkerchief)     Had  you,  Sophrony  ? 

Sophronia.  I  don't  know  what  I  thought :  I  only  know 
I  have  him  now.  He  has  come  home !  He  shall  never 
leave  me  again,  never,  never  ! 

(Sophronia  a7id  Miss  Beswick  carefully  place  Reuben 
in  a  reclining  posture  on  the  sofa.  Ducklow  shakes  hands 
with  Ferring  and  Jepworth  in  the  background,  then 
talks  with  Reuben.  Ferring  assumes  argu?ne?itative 
attitude  towards  Jepworth.) 

Mrs.  D.  {to  Sophronia).  Wasn't  it  terrible  to  see  him 
brought  home  so  ? 

Soph.  Oh,  yes  !  But  I  was  so  thankful !  I  felt  the 
worst  was  over,  and  I  had  him  again.  He  is  no  longer 
hundreds  of  miles  away,  among  strangers,  where  I  cannot 
go  to  him  ;  though  I  should  have  gone  long  ago,  as  you 
know,  if  I  could  have  raised  the  means,  and  if  it  hadn't  been 
for  the  children. 


COUPON    BONDS.  21 

Mrs.  D.  Mr.  Ducklow  would  have  —  tried  —  to  help 
you  to  the  means,  and  I  would  have  taken  the  children,  if 
we  had  thought  it  best  for  you  to  go.  But  you  see  now  it 
wasn't  best,  don't  you  ? 

Soph.     Whether  it  was  or  not,  I  don't  complain.     I'm  too 
happy  to-day  to  complain  of  any  thing.     Only  I've  dreamt 
so  often  of  his  coming  home,  and  woke  to  find  it  was  all  a 
dream,  I'm  half  afraid  to  be  as  happy  as  I  might  be. 
%  Reuben  {sitting  up).     Be  as  happy  as  you  please,  So- 

\  phrony  !  I'm  just  where  I  want  to  be,  of  all  places  in  this 
world  ;  or  the  next  world,  I  may  say,  for  that  matter,  for  I 
can't  conceive  of  any  greater  heaven  than  I'm  in  now.  I'm 
going  to  get  well,  in  spite  of  the  doctors.  Coming  home  is 
the  best  medicine  for  a  fellow  in  my  condition,  —  not  bad  to 
take," either.  To  think  that's  my  boy,  my  Ruby,  Pa  Duck- 
low  !     Why,  he  was  a  mere  baby  when  I  went  away  ! 

Soph.  Reuben,  Reuben  !  you're  talking  too  much.  You 
promised  me  you  wouldn't,  you  know. 
y  Reub.  Well,  well,  I  won't.  But,  when  a  fellow's .  heart 
*Y  is  chock-full,  it's  hard  to  shut  down  on  it  sometimes.  Don't 
look  so,  friends,  as  if  you  pitied  me.  I  ain't  to  be  pitied. 
I  bet  there  isn't  one  of  you  half  so  happy  as  I  am  at  this 
minute. 

Soph.  Here's  Miss  Beswick,  Mother  Ducklow :  haven't 
you  noticed  her  ? 

Mrs.  D.     Oh  !  how  d'ye  do,  Miss  Beswick  ? 

Miss  Beswick  (who  has  been  dusting  and  arranging 
things  in  the  room)  Tryin'  to  keep  out  of  the  way,  and 
make  myself  useful.     (Exit.) 

Soph.  I  don't  know  what  I  should  do  without  her.  She 
took  right  hold  and  helped  me  last  night ;  then  she  came  in, 
the  first  thing,  this  morning.  "  Go  right  to  your  husband  ; 
don't  leave  him  for  a  minute,"  says  she  :  "  I'll  tend  to  the 
work.  There'll  be  plenty  of  folks  coming  in  to  hinder ;  but 
I  come  in  to  help,"  says  she.  There's  no  use  opposin'  her : 
that  you  know.  Mother  Ducklow. 

Mrs.  D.  Yes,  she  likes  to  have  her  own  way  about 
things  :   I've  found  that  out ! 

Soph.  It  seems  she  called  at  the  door  last  night  to  tell 
you  Reuben  had  come  home. 

Mrs.  D.  Called  at  the  door  !  Didn't  she  tell  you  she 
stopped  and  made  us  a  visit  ? 

Soph.     No,  indeed  !     Did  she  ? 


2  2  COUPON    BONDS. 

Mrs.  D.  (aside).  I  guess  I  hadn't  better  say  much  about 
that  !  Oh,  yes  !  a  visit,  for  her;  she  ain't  no  great  hand  to 
make  long  stops,  you  know. 

Soph.  Only  where  she's  needed.  Then  she  never  thinks 
of  going,  as  long  as  she  sees  any  thing  to  do.  Reuben, 
Reuben  !  you  mustn't  talk,  Reuben. 

Jep.  I  was  saying,  it'll  be  too  bad  now  if  you  have  to  give 
up  this  place  ;  but  he  — 

Soph.  We  are  not  going  to  be  worried  about  that.  We 
have  all  we  can  think  of  and  attend  to  to-day ;  and  the 
future  will  take  care  of  itself. 

Mr.  D.  That's  right;  that's  the  way  to  talk.  Provi- 
dence'll  take  care  of  ye,  ye  may  be  sure. 

Fer.  I  should  think  you  might  get  Ditson  to  renew  the 
mortgage.  He  can't  be  hard  on  you,  under  the  circum- 
stances. And  he  can't  want  the  money.  There's  no  secu- 
rity like  real  estate,  nothing  like  real  estate.  If  I  had 
money  to  invest,   I  wouldn't  put  it  into  any  thing  else. 

Mr.  D.     Nor  I  !     Nothing  like  real  estate. 

Jep.  What  do  you  think  of  Government  bonds,  Duck- 
low  ? 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  I  don't  know.  It  may  be  a  patriotic  duty 
to  lend  to  Gov'ment,  if  one  has  the  funds  to  spare.  Wish  I 
had! 

Fer.  No  usev  no  use  !  Country's  ruined  !  Country's 
ruined  ! 

Jep.  Ruined,  perhaps, — unless  we  lend  money  to  the 
Government  to  carry  on  the  war. 

Reub.  What  do  you  think  of  us,  Mr.  Ferring,  who  have 
gone  into  the  war,  and  been  willing  to  risk  every  thing,  not 
only  our  business  and  our  property,  but  life  and  limb  ?  I've 
ruined  myself  personally,  lost  my  property  and  my  health, 
to  be  of  service  to  my  country  ;  and  I  don't  regret  it.  I'm 
a  tolerably  patient,  philosophical  fellow.  But  I  haven't  pa- 
tience and  philosophy  enough  to  sit  quiet  and  hear  men  cry 
out,  The  cou7itry'>s  ruined 7  while  they  stop  at  home  and  don't 
do  the  first  thing,  —  not  even  lend  their  money,  —  to  help 
save  the  country. 

Mr.  D.  Good  for  you,  Reuben  ! —  (Aside.)  Seems  I've 
only  clone  my  duty  to  the  Gov'ment,  let  Miss  Beswick  soy 
what  she  will.  —  You  put  the  case  so  strong,  Reuben,  I  re'ly 
believe,  if  I  had  funds  to  spare,  I  shouldn't  hesitate  a  min- 
ute, but  go  right  off  and  invest  in  cowpon  bonds. 


<Y 


COUPON    BONDS.  23 

Fer.  'Twould  be  the  worst  investment  ye  could  make,  — 
the  very  worst ! 

Mr.  D.     Think  so  ? 

Fer.  I  know  so.  Government  will  repudiate.  It  will 
have  to  repudiate.  This  enormous  debt  they're  piling  up 
never  can  be  paid. 

Mr.  D.     I  —  I  don't  —  I  can't  think  that ! 

Fer.  Your  interest  in  gold  is  a  temptation  just  now  ;  but 
that  won't  be  paid  much  longer  ;  then  {snaps  his  fingers)  that 
for  your  bonds  ! 

Mr.  D.  ■  That's  your  way  of  looking  at  it.  I  —  I  don't 
believe  I  should  be  frightened,  even  if  I  had  cowpon  bonds 
on  my  hands.  I  wish  I  had  ;  I  re'ly  wish  I  had  a  lot  o' 
them  bonds  !     Don't  you,  Jepworth  ? 

Jep.     They're  mighty  risky  things  to  have  in  the  house. 

Fer.  That's  so  !  I  read  in  the  papers  almost  every  day 
of  somebody  losing  his  coupon  bonds.  One  man  carried 
his  in  his  boot  —  walked  farther  than  he  intended  —  bond  all 
wore  up  to  little  chips  of  paper  —  his  thousand  dollars  gone  ! 
Another  thought  he  would  hide  his  in  the  sitting-room  stove, 
—  summertime  —  didn't  think  of  anybody  making  a  fire  — 
cold  storm  —  wife  had  company  —  started  a  little  fire  to  take 
off  the  chill  of  the  room,  and  dry  their  clothes — husband 
came  home  —  found  his  three  thousand  dollars  all  smoke  and 
ashes  !  Another  man  hid  his  bonds  where  robbers  couldn't 
find  'em  —  house  took  fire  when  he  was  away  —  folks  saved 
every  thing  but  the  bonds,  which  they  couldn't  find  —  his 
money  gone  to  the  old  scratch  ! 

Mrs.  D.     Massy  sakes  ! 

Mr.  D.  I  hope  Taddy  won't  play  with  the  matches  !  I 
charged  him  not  to. 

Mrs.  D.  So  did  I ;  but  he's  always  sure  to  do  the  very 
thing  he's  told  not  to  ! 

Reub.  There's  this  thing  to  be  considered  in  favor  of 
fires,  —  if  your  bonds  burn  up,  they  won't  have  to  be  paid  ; 
so  what's  your  loss  is  the  country's  gain. 

Mr.  D.  Yes  !  that  is  —  that  is  —  a  consolation  !  — {Aside?) 
I'm  terrible  consarned  about  Taddy  !     (IVii/idraws,  R.) 

Jep.  One  would  think  Ducklow  had  some  of  them  bonds, 
lie  looked  so  anxious  all  at  once.  He  has,  hasn:t  he,  Mrs. 
Ducklow  ? 

Mrs.  D.     Has  what? 

Jep.  Some  of  them  cowpon  bonds  ?  I  ruther  guess  he's 
got  some. 


24  COUPON    BONDS. 

Mrs.  D.  You  mean  Gov'ment  bonds  ?  My  husband  got 
some  ?  'Tain't  at  all  likely  he'd  invest  in  'em  without  sayin' 
somethin'  to  me  about  it.  No,  he  couldn't  have  any  without 
my  knowin'  it,  I'm  sure. 

Fer.  And  of  course  he  wouldn't  be  buyin'  bonds,  when 
here's  Reuben's  house  to  be  sold  over  his  head  for  want  of  a 
thousand  or  two  dollars. 

Mrs.  D.  Of  course  ht  wouldn't.  {Re-enter  Ducklow, 
excitedly.) 

Mr.  D.  There's  a  smoke  in  the  direction  of  my  house  ! 
(Seizes  hat  from  table.) 

Mrs.  D.     Oh,  that  Taddy  ! 

Mr.  D.     He's  set  the  house  afire! 

Fer.     You've  got  my  hat,  neighbor  ! 

Mr.  D.     Have  I  ?     (Seizes  another.)     Fire,  fire  ! 

Jep.     That's  my  hat,  I  believe  ! 

Mr.  D.  Where  in  creation  is  my  hat  ?  (Claps  Jep- 
worth's  hat  on  his  head,  and  snatches  up  Ferring's  hat 
again.)  Heavens  and  airth  !  (Finds  his  own  hat,  and  sets 
off  with  it  in  his  hand;  drops  Ferring's.)  Fire  !  fire  !  fire  ! 
(Rushes  off  v..  Ferring  and  Jepworth  run  to  recover  their 
hats.     Commotion.     Quick  curtain.) 


ACT  III. 

Scene.  —  Roadside  before  Ducklow's  Farm-house.* 

Enter  Taddy,  l.,  with  sticks  for  kite-frame,  whittling. 

Taddy.  If  I  can't  have  a  drum,  I'll  have  a  kite.  Gay,  I 
tell  ye  !  {Crosses  sticks.)  Jerushy  !  won't  she  be  a  buster  ! 
{Holds  up  frame,  and  runs  with  it.  Distant  cries.)  Hullo  ! 
what's  that  yellin'  ?  Fire  !  Oh,  good !  Hurrah  for  some 
fun  !  {As  he  is  rushing  off,  r.,  Mr.  Ducklow  rushes  on, 
meeting  him.) 

Mr.  D.     Thaddeus  !  where  ye  goin'  ? 

Tad.     Goin'  to  the  fire  ! 

Mr.  D.     There  ain't  any  fire,  boy  ! 

Tad.  Yes,  there  is  ;  don't  ye  hear  'em  ?  they've  been 
yellin'  like  fury  ! 

Mr.  D.  Stop,  I  tell  ye !  It's  all  over;  only  the  plaguy 
rogues  have  got  to  yellin',  and  they  won't  stop.  'Twas 
nothin'  but  Jepworth's  brush-heap  a-burnin'. 

Tad.  That  all  ?  I  thought  there  was  goin'  to  be  some 
fun  !  I  wonder  who  was  such  a  darned  fool  as  to  yell  fire 
for  nothin'  but  an  old  brush-heap  ! 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  wal !  hold  your  tongue,  boy!  you  don't 
know  what  you're  talkin'  about.  I've  got  to  drive  over  to 
town  :  you  go  and  stand  by  the  mare,  while  I  brush  my  hat. 
{Aside)  I  believe  I  got  my  own  hat  at  last.  {Looks  at  hat.) 
Though  I  can't  tell  by  the  looks  :  I  lost  it  off  on  the  road, 
and  drove  the  wagon-wheel  over  it. 

Tad.     Why  didn't  Ma  Ducklow  come  home  with  ye  ? 

Mr.  D.     I  come  off  in  somethin'  of  a  hurry. 

Tad.     What  was  yer  hurry  ? 

Mr.  D.  Little  boys  shouldn't  ask  so  many  questions. 
{Enters  house) 

*  Where  there  is  a  scarcity  of  scenery,  this  act  can  easily  be  arranged  to  be 
played  inside  the  Ducklow  house. 

3 


26  COUPON    BONDS. 

Tad.  {whittles).    I'll  have  a   string  two  miles  long,  and 
let  my  kite  up   so  high  they  can't  see  it.     I'll  beat  Dick 
Atkins's  kite  all  holler !    (Crosses  sticks.) 
(Ducklow  re-appears.) 

Mr.  D.     Heavens  an'  airth  !     Taddy  ! 

Tad.  (guiltily).     What? 

Mr.  D.  What  have  you  been  doin'  to  the  carpet  ?  (Seizes 
him.) 

Tad.     Nothin'.     'Twa'n't  me. 

Mr.  D.  (shakes  him.)     Don't  tell  me  'twa'n't  you  ! 

Tad.     I  only  jest  pulled  it  up  a  little. 

Mr.  D.  Pulled  it  up  a  little  !  What  did  you  pull  it  up 
for? 

Tad.     Lost  a  marble  ! 

Mr.  D.  Lost  a  marble !  Ye  didn't  lose  it  under  the 
carpet,  did  ye  ? 

Tad.  Didn't  know  but  it  might  'a'  got  under  :  marbles 
roll  so. 

Mr.  D.     And  didn't  you  take  any  thing  out  ? 

Tad.    No  ! 

Mr.  D.  If  I  find  you  did,  I'll  take  a  rope's  end  to  you  ! 
(Re-enters  house?) 

Tad.  He'll  kill  me  !  Oh-h-h  !  I  wish  the  house  had 
burnt  up.  I'll  tell  him  'twas  Dick  Atkins.  (Ducklow 
re-appears,  putting  envelope  into  his  breast-pocket) 

Mr.  D.  Lucky  for  you,  sir,  you  didn't  do  any  more  mis- 
chief !  Don't  you  touch  the  carpet  again  if  you  lose  a 
million  marbles. 

Tad  Hain't  got  a  million.  Won't  ye  buy  me  some 
to-day  ?    Say  !  won't  ye  buy  me  some  marbles  ? 

Mr.  D.  Go  and  stand  by  the  mare,  and  don't  ye  leave 
her  till  I  come,  or  I'll  marble  ye  ! 

Tad.     Wish  I  had  some  !     (Going.) 

Mr.  D.  What  in  thunderation  to  do  with  these  'ere  bonds 
I  don't  know!  I  don't  dare  to  leave  'em  in  the  house;  I 
don't  dare  to  carry  'em  with  me ;  they're  the  plague  of  my 
life.  I  know !  I'll  ask  'em  to  keep  'em  for  me  to  the  bank, 
lock  'em  up  in  their  safe.     (Going.) 

Tad.     There's  somethin'  losin'  out  of  your  pocket. 

Mr.  D.  (in  consternation,  claps  hand  to  his  breast).  Where, 
you  villain  ? 

Tad.     Yer  side-pocket ;  it's  one  of  your  mittens. 

Mr.  D.     I'll  mitten  ye  !    (Pursues  Taddy  out,  R.    Sounds 


COUPON    BONDS.  2J 

as  of  boxed  ears  and  Taddy's  screams  are  heard.  Taddy 
re-enters.) 

Tad.  (grinning).  Didn't  hurt  me !  {Scowls,  turns,  and 
shakes  his  fist.)  Old  fool !  I  will  have  a  kite  now,  darn 
him!  {Whittles.)  He  didn't  find  out!  Guess,  when  he 
does,  he'll  wish  he'd  bought  me  the  drum.  {Crosses  sticks.) 
Hullo,  Dick  !    {Enter  Dick  Atkins,  with  jug,  l.) 

Dick.     Hullo,  Tad ! 

Tad.     Where  ye  goin'  with  yer  jug  ? 

Dick.     Over  to  the  grocery  to  git  some  molasses. 

Tad.  Oh  goody-good  !  Come  back  this  way,  and  give 
us  a  lick ! 

Dick.     Guess  the  folks'll  give  me  a  lick  if  I  do  ! 

Tad.  They  won't  know  it.  Ain't  there  some  left  in  tbe 
jug  now  ?     Oh,  give  me  a  suck  o'  that  stopple  ! 

Dick.     Git  out !     What  ye  makin'  ? 

Tad.  Frame  .for  a .  kite.  Here  !  you  let  them  sticks 
alone ! 

Dick  {sets  down  jug,  and  snatches  sticks).  Le'  me  look  at 
'em,  I  tell  ve  !     What  ye  'f raid  of  ? 

Tad.     You'll  break  'em. 

Dick.  No  I  won't  break  'em,  nuther !  That  ain't  the- 
way  to  make  a  kite. 

Tad.  {takes  stopple  out  of  jug,  and  sucks  it).  That's  all 
you  know  about  it. 

Dick.  Ye  ought  to  have  another  stick,  and  cross  'em  so. 
{Crosses  sticks.) 

Tad.  What  does  a  feller  want  of  a  hundred  sticks  ? 
{Sits  down,  with  jug  between  his  knees ;  puts  finger  in,  and 
sucks  it.) 

Dick.     What  ye  goin'  to  cover  it  with  ? 

Tad.  Oh,  I  got  a  cover!  Good  deal  better'n  that  news- 
paper you  give  me.  It's  goin'  to  be  the  bulliest  kite  ever  you 
set  eyes  on  !     Fancy  !     {Sucks  finger.) 

Dick.     Le'  me  see  yer  cover. 

Tad.     You'll  tell ! 

Dick.     No,  I  won't.     Here  !  keep  out  of  that  jug  ! 

Tad.     I  ain't  in  the  jug ! 

Dick.  You  was !  I  "seen  ye !  {Takes  jug.)  Give  me 
that  stopple  !     You  been  siickin'  it ! 

Tad.  There  wa'n't  no  suck  to  it.  Take  yer  darned  old 
stopple  ! 

Dick.     I've  a  good  notion  to  stick  it  down  your  throat  J 


28  COUPON    BONDS. 

Come,  show  me  yer  kite-cover  ;  mabby  I'll  trade  with  ye  for 
it.  Hey?  Look  a' that !  {Shows  handful  of  marbles.)  See 
that  agate?  See  them  bull's-eyes?  hey?  Don't  you  wish 
you  had  some  ? 

Tad.     Oh,  le'  me  look  ! 

Dick.  No,  sir-ee,  bob !  {Pockets  marbles.)  Not  without 
you'll  show  me  your  kite-cover. 

Tad.     You  promise  not  to  tell  ? 

Dick.     Course  I  won't  tell ! 

Tad.  I've  got  it  hid.  Pa  Ducklow'll  wring  my  neck  if  he 
finds  out ! 

Dick.     Better  trade,  then.    {Exeunt,  l.) 

{Enter  Rev.  Mr.  Grantley,*  r.     Knocks  at  door) 
*Mr.  G.      Folks  gone  from  home,  I  wonder?     {Knocks) 
Door  wasn't  locked!     {Opens,  and  looks  in;   knocks  again. 
Enter  Taddy,  l.)     Ah,  Thaddeus,  my  boy  !     Where's  your 
Pa  Ducklow? 

Tad  {all  in  a  breath).  Gone  to  town  won't  be  back  till 
night  give  me  a  ride  ? 

Mr.  G.     Is  your  Ma  Ducklow  at  home? 

Tad.  She's  gone  over  to  Reub's  got  home  last  night  say 
may  I  ride  ? 

Mr.  G.  Why,  yes,  my  boy  ;  you  may  ride  a  little  way,  if 
you'll  run  right  back  home  when  I  set  you  down. 

Tad.  Course  I  will !  {Aside)  Dick's  comin'  back  this 
way  with  the  molasses,  and's  goin'  to  trade  with  me,  and  give 
me  a  lick  !  {Licks  his  chops,  and  exit  with  Mr.  G.,  l.  En- 
ter  Mrs.  Ducklow,  r.) 

Mrs.  D.  {out  of  breath).  Who's  that  in  the  shay,  I'd  like 
to  know  ?  I  hope  Taddy's  to  home,  to  keep  the  house  all 
right.  Strange  father  should  be  so  foolish  as  to  think  it  was 
burnin'  up  !  He  does  beat  all  the  narvousand  excitable  men 
't  ever  I  see  !  The  door  open  !  Thaddeus  !  Thad-de-z/j  / 
{Calling.)  Where  under  the  sun  can  that  boy  be  ?  {Enters 
house,  but  presently  re-appears,  greatly  excited)  Murder ! 
murder!  stop  thief  !  stop  thief!  Carpet  pulled  up  —  bonds 
gone  —  the  man  in  the  shay!  Thad-de-US  !  Murder! 
murder  ! 

{Enter  Jepworth,  r.) 

*  Where  it  is  possible,  as  on  the  stage  of  a  large  theatre,  the  old  minis- 
ter should  drive  on  in  an  old-fashioned  chaise,  get  out,  and  hitch  his  horse 
with  a  weight,  saying,  "  Whoa  !     Be  still  now  !  "  &c. 


COUPON    BONDS.  29 

Jep.     What's  the  matter,  Mrs.  Ducklow? 

Mrs.  D.     The  man  in  the  shay ! 

Jep.     What's  the  man  in  the  shay  done  ? 

Mrs.  D.     Robbed! 

Jep.     Who  has  he  robbed? 

Mrs.  D.     Murdered! 

Jep.     Who  has  he  murdered  ? 

Mrs.  D.  Thaddeus,  I'm  afraid!  He's  robbed  the 
house  !     Ketch  it !     Ketch  the  shay  ! 

Jep.     I'll  overhaul  him  !     {Exit,  l.) 

Mrs.  D.  Good  Mr.  Jepworth  !  I  wouldn't  have  believed 
he  could  run  so  !  I've  no  more  power  to  move  than  as  if  I 
weighed  a  ton !  He  must  have  killed  Taddy,  and  flung  him 
into  the  well !  He's  stopped  the  shay  !  it's  turnin'  round  ! 
Jepworth's  bringin'  on  him  back !  I  must  git  somethin'  to 
defend  myself  !  {Goes  into  the  house,  and  comes  out  with  a 
broom,  which  she  brandishes)  Stop,  you  thief  !  don't  you 
come  near  me  !  What  have  you  done  with  Thaddeus  ?  what 
have  you  done  with  them  things  you  found  under  the  carpet? 
{Enter  l.  Mr.  Grantley,  WM  Taddy  *  behind  himj  then 
Jepworth,  laughing.) 

Jep.     Here's  your  robber,  Mrs.  Ducklow. 

Mrs.  D.     Mr.  Grantley!  our  minister  ! 

Mr.  G.  What's  the  trouble,  Sister  Ducklow  ?  Mr.  Jep- 
worth says  I've  robbed  you. 

Mrs.  D.  No,  no  !  not  you  !  You  wouldn't  do  such  a 
thing!  But  didn't  you  stop  to  our  house?  Have  you  seen 
our  Thaddeus  ? 

Tad.  {from  behind  Mr.  G.).     Here  I  be,  Ma  Ducklow! 

Mrs.  D.  Taddy  !  Taddy  !  how  come  the  carpet  pulled 
up? 

Tad.     I  pulled  it  up,  a-huntin'  fer  a  marble. 

Mrs.  D.     And  the  thing  tied  up  in  a  yaller  wrapper? 

Tad.     Pa  Ducklow  took  it 

Mrs.  D.     Ye  sure  ? 

Tad.     Yes,  I  seen  him.     Put  it  in  his  pocket. 

Mrs.  D.  Oh,  dear!  I  never  was  so  beat !  Mr.  Grantley 
—  I  hope  —  excuse  me  —  I've  had  such  a  scare  I  didn't 
know  what  I  was  about !  —  Taddy,  you  notty  boy  !  What 
did  you  leave  the  house  for  ?     I  told  you  !     {Seizes  him) 

Mr.  G.     It  was  partly  my  fault,  Sister  Ducklow.     I  told 

*  In  the  chaise  if  possible. 


30  COUPON    BONDS. 

him  he  might  ride  a  little  way.  I'm  glad  no  worse  thing  has 
happened.     Good-morning.     {Exit,  smiling) 

Mrs.  D.  I  never  was  so  mortified  in  my  life.  I'm  much 
obleeged  to  ye,  Mr.  Jepworth  ;  but,  when  ye  see  'twas  the 
minister  in  the  shay,  I  should  thought  you'd  have  knowed 
'twas  a  mistake. 

Jep.  Yes  ;  but  I  thought  he  had  better  bring  Taddy  back, 
then  you  could  see  with  your  own  eyes.  What  did  you 
think  you  had  lost  ? 

Mrs.  D.  Oh  !  nothing  of  any  consequence  — particularly — 
only  I  didn't  know  what  a  stranger  might  not  have  taken. 
Very  much  obleeged  to  ye  ! 

Jep.     Not  at  all.     {Exit.) 

Mrs.  D.     Now,  ye  sir  ! 

Tad.  O  Ma  Ducklow,  don't  lick  me  !  don't  lick  me  !  Pa 
Ducklow  gave  me  an  awful  thrashin'  for  pullin'  up  the  car- 
pet, and  I  promised  never  to  do  so  agin. 

Mrs.  D.  There  he  comes  now  !  Go  and  take  the  hoss. 
{Exit  Taddy,  running,  r.)  He  might  'a'  knowed  how  scared 
I'd  be  to  find  the  carpet  pulled  up,  and  the  bonds  gone. 
{Enter  Ducklow,  r.)  Did  ye  take  'em?  you  know  — . the 
bonds  ? 

Mr.  D.     Sartin  I  did. 

Mrs.  D.     Didn't  ye  think  how  frightened  I'd  be  ? 

Mr.  D.  Why,  I  thought  you'd  stay  to  Reuben's  till  I 
went  back  for  ye. 

Mrs.  D.  Stay  there  all  day,  after  you'd  give  me  such  a 
start,  with  yer  alarm  of  fire  !  That  foolish  alarm  !  How 
could  you  be  so  childish  ? 

Mr.  D.     Wal,  wal! 

Mrs.  D.     Have  you  got  'em  now  ? 

Mr.  D.  Don't  be  so  eager  !  Guess  I  can  take  care  of 
'em.  I  thought  the  best  thing  to  do  with  'em  was  to  leave 
'em  in  the  bank,  for  safe  keepin'  :  so  I  went  to  the  cashier, 
and  he  said  he'd  lock  'em  up  in  their  safe  till  called  for. 
But  he  said  he  wouldn't  be  responsible  for  em'  case  of  acci- 
dents. 

Mrs.  D.  And  you  left  'em  with  him  after  that !  How 
could  you  be  so  careless  ? 

Mr.  D.     Wal,  I  thought  they'd  be  safer  there. 

Mrs.  D.     They  give  ye  a  receipt  for  'em,  of  course  ? 

Mr.  D.     No,  they  didn't. 

Mrs.  D.     Pa  Ducklow  ! 


COUPON    BONDS.  3 1 

Mr.  D  Wal,  wal  !  Hear  me  through.  As  I  was  waitin' 
in  the  store,  after  that,  I  ketched  up  a  newspaper,  and  read, 
"  Bank  robbery  !  Bonds  stolen  !  " 

Mrs.  D.     Not  your  bank  !  not  your  bonds  ! 

Mr.  D.  No,  no,  course  not !  But  it  "made  me  think  o' 
my  bonds.  So  I  rushed  back  there,  and  told  the  cashier  I 
guessed  I  wouldn't  trouble  him  to  keep  'em. 

Mrs.  D.     And  he  give  'em  to  ye  ? 

Mr.  D.  Sartin.  Wrapper  tied  up  jest  as  I  give  it  to  him. 
I  put  some  pins  in  my  pocket  to  keep  it  from  losin'  out. 
{Takes  out  pins ;  Mrs.  D.  assists  him) 

Mrs.  D.     Wal,  you  was  careful  for  once  ! 

Mr.  D.  For  once  ?  Ain't  I  always  careful  ?  There  s 
yer  wrapper. 

Mrs.  D.     How  do  you  know  it  hain't  been  untied  ? 

Mr.  D.     'Tain't  at  all  likely  he'd  untie  it. 

Mrs.  D.  What  ye  goin'  to  do  with  'em  now  ?  I  'most 
wish  you'd  left  'em  to  the  bank. 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  you  are  the  most  inconsistent  woman  ever  I 
see  ! 

Mrs.  D.  Inconsistent !  I  don't  know  what  better  you 
can  do  with  'em. 

Mr.  D.     I'll  tell  ye.     I  see  Josiah  over  to  the  village. 

Mrs.  D.     Our  son-in-law  ? 

Mr.  D.  Yes.  I  got  talkin'  with  him,  and  led  the  subject 
to  Gov'ment  bonds.  '"What  do  you  think  of  them  for  an 
investment  ?"  says  I.  ''The  very  best !  "  says  he.  "So  I 
thought,"  says  I.  "  But  how  'bout  them  air  cowpon  bonds  ? 
Ain't  they  ruther  ticklish  property  to  have  in  the  house  ?  " 
says  I. 

Mrs.  D.     I  want  to  know  if  you  asked  him  that ! 

Mr.  D.  "  Wal,  I  don't  know,"  says  he.  "  Think  how 
many  years  you  keep  old  bills  and  documents,  and  never 
think  of  losin'  'em.  Ain't  a  mite  more  danger  with  the 
bonds,  as  I  see,"  says  he.  "  I  shouldn't  want  to  carry  'em 
round  with  me  to  a  very  great  amount,  —  though  I  did  once 
carry  three  thousand-dollar  bonds  in  my  pocket  once  for  a 
week,"  says  he.  "  Curi's  !  "  says  I.  "  I've  got  three  thou- 
sand-dollar bonds  in  my  pocket  now  !  " 

Mrs.  D.     Did  you  tellhim  that  !     What  did  he  say  ? 

Mr.  D.  All  he  said  was,  "  It's  good  property-''  "Seems 
to  me,  though,"  says  I,  "  if  I  had  a  safe,  as  you've  got, 
I  should   keep   my  bonds   in   it."      He  said  he'  did  gene- 


32  COUPON    BONDS. 

rally,  but  he  was  travellin'  that  week.  "  Suppose,"  says  I, 
"  you  keep  my  bonds  with  yours,  in  your  safe,"  says  I :  "  I 
shall  feel  easier." 

Mrs.  D.     Did  you  say  that  ?     And  what  did  he  say  ? 

Mr.  D.  Said  "  All  right,"  they'd  be  safe,  bring  'era  over  ; 
but  I'd  better  cut  off  the  May  cowpons  fust.  I'm  goin'  to  do 
it  now,  and  take  the  bonds  right  over. 

Mrs.  D.  Why,  that  will  be  best,  after  all. 

Mr.  D.  Got  your  scissors  ?  (Mrs.  D.  takes  scissors  from 
her  pocket.  Mr.  D.  takes  from  the  envelope  an  old  news- 
paper.   Taddy  peeps  in,  r.,  frightened.) 

Mrs.  D.     Massy  sakes,  father  !  what  ye  got  there  ! 

Mr.  D.     "  Sunday  Visitor  !  "     Heavens  an'  airth  I 
(Curtain.) 


ACT  IV. 

Scene.  —  Same  as  Act  II. 

Enter,  L.,  Ferring  and  Reuben,  conversing. 
Ferring.     I  don't  believe  in  the  war,  Reuben,  but  I  do 
believe  in  you.     I  give  up  the  Union,  but  I  don't  give  you 
up. 
y  Reuben.     I  don't  see  but  you  may  as  well  give  me  up 

Ci  too.  I  was  full  of  hope  and  thankfulness  when  I  first  got 
home ;  but  now  I'm  beginning  to  see  how  blue  things  look. 
I  don't  imagine  I  shall  be  able  to  do  any  work  to  speak  of 
this  season,  with  my  broken  health  and  this  wounded  arm. 
Every  thing's  behind-hand,  with  the  payments  on  the  mort- 
gage. 

Fer.  We'll  get  up  a  subscription-paper  for  you.  War's 
a  humbug,  war's  a  perfect  humbug,  as  I've  always  said  ;  but 
there's  no  humbug  about  you,  —  no  humbug  about  you, 
Reuben  !  I'll  head  the  subscription  ;  everybody  '11  give,  — 
everybody,  —  even  Ducklow  !  ha,  ha  ! 
\*  Reub.     I  can't  bear  to  be  an  object  of  charity.      Poor 

v      Sophrony ! 

Fer.  No  charity  at  all.  It's  what  society  owes  to  you. 
You've  been  fighting  for  the  country,  —  a  mistaken  notion  : 
we've  no  country  worth  fighting  for ;  but  you  are  honest  in 
it,  —  and  society  owes  it  to  you,  not  to  see  you  suffer. 

^REUB.  But  to  have  a  subscription-paper  go  round  !  I 
can't  allow  it. 
Fer.  Ducklow's  the  man  that  ought  not  to  allow  it.  It'll 
be  a  shame  to  him  ;  no  shame  at  all  to  you,  Reuben.  I've 
talked  with  Miss  Beswick.  She'll  circulate  it  among  her 
friends.  I'll  circulate  it  among  mine.  Mine  don't  believe  in 
the  war,  won't  do  any  thing  to  fight  the  South  ;  but  they'll 
do  something  for  you. 
^L         Reub.     It  will  be  a  great  humiliation.      I   don't   know 

33 


34  COUPON  BONDS. 

what  to  say.  Come  and  talk  with  Sophrony.  I  can't  agree 
to  any  thing  without  her  consent. 

Fer.  That's  right,  that's  right.  Husband  and  wife 
should  be  agreed.  I'm  a  union  man  in  that  sense.  That's 
the  kind  of  union  /believe  in.  (Thev  go  out,  L.  Enter,  r., 
Mr.  Ducklow  in  hat and smock 'frock,  'and  Mrs.  Ducklow 
in  cloak  and  bomiet.\ 

Mr.  D.  If  we'd  only  given  the  three  thousand  dollars  to 
Reuben,  'twould  have  jest  set  him  up,  and  been  some  com- 
pensation for  his  sufferin's  and  losses  goin'  to  the  war. 

Mrs.  D.  Wal,  I  had  no  objection.  I  always  thought  he 
ought  to  have  the  money  eventooally.  As  Miss  Beswick 
said,  no  doubt  it  would  be  ten  times  the  comfort  to  him  now 
it  would  be  a  number  o'  years  from  now.  But  you  didn't 
seem  willin'. 

Mr.  D.     I  don't  know.     'Twas  you  that  wasn't  willin'. 

Mrs.  D.     Why,  now,  father  ! 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  wal !  No  use  talkin'.  I  hain't  the  least 
idee  we  shall  ever  see  the  color  of  them  bonds  agin.  I 
never  see  Taddy  stick  any  thing  out  so.  '  If  we  took  "  The 
Sunday  Visitor,"  or  had  a  copy  in  the  house,  I  should  think 
he  might  be  the  rogue,  spite  of  his  denial. 

Mrs.  D.  I  hain't  the  least  idee  't  he  touched  'em.  He 
don't  know  the  vally  of  cowpon  bonds  :  what  should  he 
want  of  'em  ?  They  was  stole  out  of  the  wrapper  to  the 
bank  :  take  my  word  for't. 

Mr.  D.  Your  word  for't !  what's  that  good  for  ?  If  they 
was  stole  to  the  bank,  we  can't  prove  any  thing. 

Mrs.  D.  That's  jest  the  trouble.  It  does  seem  strange 
to  me  that  you  shouldn't  have  had  no  more  gumption  than 
to  trust  bonds  to  strangers,  when  they  told  you  in  so  many 
words  they  wouldn't  be  responsible. 

Mr.  D.  Wal,  wal !  If  you've  flung  that  in  my  teeth 
once,  you  have  fifty  times. 

Mrs.  D.  I  don't  see  how  we're  goin'  to  work  to  find  'em 
now  without  makin'  inquiries  :  and  we  can't  make  inquiries 
without  lettin'  it  be  known't  we've  bought. 

Mr.  D.  That's  the  wust  on't !  —  after  all  our  pains  to 
keep  it  secret.  Oh,  dear  !  I  wish  the  pesky  cowpon  bonds 
had  never  been  invented. 

Mrs.  D.  The  only  way '11  be  to  tell  Reuben's  folks  on't 
fust;  let  them  know  the  investment  was  made  in  his  inter- 
est, spite  of  appearances.  Here's  Reuben  now !  {Enter 
Reuben  and Sqphronia,  l) 


X 


COUPON    BONDS.  35 

Mr.  D.     How  are  you  gittin'  along,  Reuben  ? 

Reuben.     I'm  doing  well  enough. 

Mr.  D.     Glad  to  hear  it,  glad  to  hear  it. 

Reub.  {sitting  down  wearily  on  the  sofa).  It  isn't  pleas- 
\  vant  to  think  it  may  be  months  before  I'm  able  to  be  about 
my  business.  But  I  could  stand  that.  I  could  stand  any 
thing  but  to  see  her  working  her  life  out  for  me  and  the 
children  —  to  no  purpose,  either:  that's  the  worst  of  it. 
The  place  '11  have  to  go. 

Soph.  Oh,  Reuben  !  why  won't  you  stop  worrying  about 
that  ?  Do  try  to  have  more  faith  ! 
lY  Reub.  If  I  had  three  thousand  dollars, — yes,  or  even 
two,  —  I'd  have  faith.  Ferring  and  Miss  Beswick  propose 
to  send  a  subscription-paper  around  for  my  benefit.  It 
wouldn't  succeed,  I  know.  We  should  only  have  the  shame, 
without  any  benefit  from  it.  You  needn't  groan  so,  Pa 
Ducklow, —  you  needn't  look  so  solemn,  Ma  Ducklow, — 
for  I'm  not  hinting  at  you.  I  don't  expect  you  to  help  me 
out  of  my  trouble.  If  you'd  felt  called  upon  to  do  it,  you'd 
have  done  it  before  now ;  and  I  don't  ask,  I  don't  beg  of 
any  man. 

Mr.  D.  That's  right ;  I  like  yer  sperit,  Reuben.  I  was 
groanin'  to  think  of  somethin', — somethin'  you  don't  know 
nothin'  about,  Reuben. 

Mrs.  D.  Yes,  Reuben,  we  should  have  helped  you,  and 
did  —  did  take  steps  toward  it.     {Sighs.) 

Mr.  D.  In  fact,  you've  met  with  a  great  misfortin',  Reu- 
ben. 

Mrs.  D.     A  great  misfortin'. 

Mr.  D.  Unbeknown  to  yourself — a  very  great  misfortin'. 
Yer  Ma  Ducklow  knows. 

Mrs.  D.  Yes,  Reuben  ;  the  very  day  you  come  home,  yer 
Pa  Ducklow  made  an  investment  for  your  benefit.  We 
didn't  mention  it,  —  you  know  I  wouldn't  own  up  to  it. 

Mr.  D.     Because,  Reuben,  we  wanted  to  surprise  you. 

Mrs.  D.     Yes,  Reuben,  we  was  a-keepin'  it  a  secret  till 
the  right  time  ;  then  we  was  a-goin5  to  make  it  a  pleasant 
surprise  to  you 
**\f  Reub.      What  in  the    name   of   common-sense   are   you 
\     talking  about  ? 

Mr.  D.     Cowpon  bonds  ! 

Mrs.  D.  Cowpon  bonds,  Reuben  !  Three  thousan'-dol- 
lar  cowpon  bonds ! 


36  COUPON    BONDS. 

Mr.  D.  The  money  had  been  lent ;  but  I  wanted  to  make 
a  good  investment  for  ye,  and  I  thought  there  was  nothin'  so 
good  as  Gov'ments. 
i^J)  Reub.  That's  all  right;  but,  if  you  had  money  to  invest 
for  my  benefit,  I  should  have  preferred  to  pay  off  the  mort- 
gage. 

Mr.  D.  Sartin',  sartin' !  And  you  could  have  turned  the 
bonds  right  in,  if  you  had  so  chosen,  like  so  much  cash  ;  or 
you  could  have  drawed  your  interest  in  gold,  and  paid  the 
interest  on  your  mortgage  in  currency,  and  made  so  much,  — 
as  I  ruther  thought  you  would. 

ti        Mrs.  D.     You  see,  we  was  lookin'  out  for  you,  Reuben. 
VK      Reub.     But  the  bonds  ?  where  are  the  bonds  ?     {Enter 
Miss  Beswick,  with  shawl  over  her  head,  r.) 

Mrs.  D.     {Aside.)    Her  agin  !     How  d'ye  do,  Miss  Bes- 
wick ?     We  was  jest  tellin'  about  our  loss,  —  Reuben's  loss. 
Miss  B.     Very  well.    Don't  let  me  interrupt.  {Slips  shawl 
from  her  head,  and  sits  down.) 

Mr.  D.  We  had  bought  some  bonds  for  Reuben's  benefit, 
—  cowpon  bonds,  —  and  they've  been  stole  ! 

Mrs.  D.     Stole  out  of  a  wrapper,  when  we  had  'em  hid  in 
the  house,  or  else  to  the  bank  ;  we  can't  tell  which.     It's  a 
terrible  misfortin'.      We  feel  it  dreadfully  —  on  Reuben's 
^•account. 
I  5>      Reub.     I  see,  Pa  Ducklow !     You  had  kinder  intentions 
»       towards   me   than  I  gave  you   credit  for,  —  both    of  you. 
Forgive  me  if  I  wronged  you.     Don't  feel  so  bad  about  it. 
,       Mrs.  D.     On  your  account,  on  your  account,  Reuben  ! 

}\p  Reub.  You  did  what  you  thought  best.  All  I  can  say  is, 
the  fates  are  against  me. 

Miss  B.  {Stretches  up  her  neck,  and  clears  her  throat?) 
Hem  !  So  them  bonds  you  had  bought  for  Reuben  was  in 
your  house  when  I  called  ! 

Mrs.  D.  Yes,  Miss  Beswick  ;  and  that's  what  made  it  so 
uncomf'table  for  us  to  have  you  talk  the  way  you  did. 

Miss  B.  Hem  !  You'd  actooally  bought  the  bonds,  — 
bought  'em  for  Reuben,  had  ye  ? 

Mrs.  D.     To  be  sure  ! 

Mr.  D.     Sartin',  sartin' ! 

Mrs.  D.  We  designed  'em  for  his  benefit,  when  the  right 
time  come. 

Mr.  D.     His  benefit —  sartin'. 

Miss    B.      Hem !     When    the   right  time  come !     Yes ! 


COUPON    BONDS.  37 

That  right  time  wa'n't  somethin'  indefinite  in  the  fur  fulur', 
of  course !  Yer  losin'  the  bonds  didn't  hurry  up  yer  benev- 
olence the  least  grain,  I  s'pose.  Very  well !  Sophrony, 
open  the  door,  and  ask  Mr.  Ferring  to  step  in  with  them 
boys. 

(Sophronia  opens  the  door,  r.,  and  Dick  andTADDY  enter 
with  sheepish  reluctance,  followed  by  Mr.  Ferring,  spread- 
ing his  hands  to  prevent  their  escape) 

Mrs.  D.     Thaddeus!  what  you  here  for? 

Miss  B.  Because  I  said  so  !  —  Step  along,  boys  :  step 
along.  Much  obleeged  to  ye,  Mr.  Ferring.  Don't  know 
what  I  should  have  done  if  I  hadn't  met  you.  Hold  up  yer 
head,  Taddy;  for  you  ain't  goin'  to  be  hurt  while  I'm  around. 
Take  yer  fists  out  of  yer  eyes,  and  stop  blubberin'.  Mr. 
Ducklow,  that  boy  knows  somethin'  about  Reuben's  cowpon 
bonds ! 

Mr.  D.     Thaddeus!  did  you  — 

Mrs.  D.     Touch  them  bonds  ? 

Tad.  {whimpering).     Didn't  know  what  they  was. 

Mrs.  D.  {seizes  him).     Did  you  take  them  ? 

Miss  B.  Hands  off,  if  you  please.  I  told  him  if  he'd  be 
a  good  boy,  and  tell  the  truth,  he  shouldn't  be  hurt.  If  you 
please  !     (Mrs.  D.  fakes  her  hand  off.) 

Mr.  D.     Where  be  they  now,  —  them  bonds  ? 

Tad.     Don't  know. 

Mr.  D.     Don't  know,  you  villain  !     {Rushing  on  Taddy) 

Miss  B.     If  you  please  !     (Mr.  D.  recoils) 

Mrs.  D.     What  did  you  want  of  'em? 

Tad.     To  cover  my  kite. 

Mrs.  D.     Your  kite  ! 

Mr.  D.     Cover  your  kite  !     Didn't  you  know  no  better  ? 

Tad.  Didn't  think  you'd  care.  I  had  a  newspaper,  Dick 
give  me  to  cover  it ;  but  I  thought  them  things  would  be 
pootier.  So  I  took  'em,  and  put  the  newspaper  in  the 
wrapper. 

Mr.  D.     Did  you  cover  your  kite  with  'em  ? 

Tad.  No  :  when  I  found  you  cared  so  much  for  'em,  1 
was  afraid  to. 

Mr.  D.     Then  what  did  you  do  with  'em  ? 

Tad.     Sold  'em  to  Dick. 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  D.     Sold  'em  to  Dick  ! 

Dick.     Yes,  for  six  marbles. 

Mr.  D.     Six  marbles  !  oh  ! 


A 


38  COUPON    BONDS. 

Dick.  One  was  a  bull's-eye,  and  one  was  an  agate,  and 
two  alleys. 

Tad.  Then,  when  you  threatened  to  lick  me,  I  wanted 
him  to  trade  back ;  and  he  wouldn't. 

Dick.  Course  I  wouldn't.  He  wasn't  goin'  to  give  me 
back  but  four ;  and  I  wouldn't  agree  to  no  such  non- 
sense. 

Tad      I  lost  the  bull's-eye  and  one  common. 

Mr.  D.     But  the  bonds  !  did  you  destroy  'em  ? 

Dick.  Likely  I'd  do  that,  when  I'd  paid  six  marbles  for 
'em  !     I  wanted  'em  to  cover  my  kite  with. 

Mr.  D.  Cover  your  —  oh!  then  you've  made  a  kite  of 
'em? 

Dick.  I  was  goin'  to,  when  Aunt  Beswick  ketched  me  at 
it.  Made  me  tell  where  I  got  'em.  Took  me  over  to  your 
house.     Taddy  said  you  was  over  here. 

Mr.  D.     Where  are  the  bonds,  for  heaven's  sake  ? 

Dick.     If  Taddy'll  give  me  back  my  marbles  — 

Miss  B.  That'll  do  !  Reuben'll  give  you  twenty  mar- 
bles ;  for  I  believe  you  said  they  was  Reuben's  bonds,  Mr. 
Ducklow.  , 

Mr.  D.     Yes  — that  is  — 

Mrs.  D.     Eventooally. 

Miss  B.  Now,  look  here  !  What  am  I  to  understand  ? 
Be  they  Reuben's  bonds,  or  be  they  not  ?  That's  the  ques- 
tion ! 

Mr.  D.     Of  course  they're  Reuben's. 

Mrs.  D.     We  intended  all  the  while  —  his  benefit. 

Miss  B.  Wal,  now  it's  understood.  {Draws  bonds  from 
her  bosom)     Here,  Reuben,  are  your  cowpon  bonds  ! 

Ferring.  I  declare,  Ducklow,  you've  done  a  handsome 
thing,  if  you  never  did  before. 

Mr.  D.  Oh,  I've  had  my  plans  !  I've  had  my  plans  with 
regard  to  Reuben. 

Mrs.  D.     He  was  always  a  good  boy. 

Soph,  (examining  the  bonds  with  Reuben).  O  Pa  Duck- 
low !  Ma  Ducklow !  I  thank  you  for  his  sake  !  And  you, 
Miss  Beswick  ! 

Reub.  It's  so  !  three  thousand  dollars  !  Miss  Beswick, 
you're  an  angel  from  the  skies  !  Order  a  bushel  of  marbles 
for  the  boys,  and  send  the  bill  to  me. 

Mrs.  D.  We  always  told  you  we'd  do  well  by  you,  Reu- 
ben. 


t 


COUPON    BONDS.  39 

Reub.  Do  well !  This  is  magnificent !  Sophrony,  you've 
got  a  home  !  The  children  have  got  a  home  !  And  I've  got 
a  new  flag  to  fight  under!  (Waves  bond  with  left  hand) 
Long  may  it  wave  !     I'll  win  the  battle  yet ! 


always  Get  the  Best       CO  of  the  Choicest  Selections  in  th« 


u 


Beading  Olub  and  Handy  Speaker 


Edited  by  George  M.  Bakkr 

Price,  cloth,  50  cents,   paper.   16  cents. 

CONTENTS. 


The  Red  Jacket 

Old  Age 

Viahmoud 

The  Closet  Scene  from  "Hamlet  " 

How  he  saved  St.  Michael's 

Samson       .  ... 

The  Story  of  the-  Bad  Little  Boy  who  \ 

oldn't  come  n>  Grief.         .        .        j 
Mr.  Caudle  and  his  Second  Wife    . 
Tauler        .  ... 

The  Doorstep 

Old  Farmer  Gray  gets  photographed    . 
Mr.     G'Gallagher's    Three    Roads    to  ( 

Learning  » 

The  Jester's  Sermon 
•  The  Boofcr  Lady  " 
Defiance  of  Harold  the  Dauntless 
Battle  Hymn 

The  Story  of  the  Faithful  Soul 
"  Curfew  must  not  ring  To  Night " 
The  Showman's  Courtship 
How  Terry  saved  his  Bacon    . 
The  Senator's  Fledge 
Jverthrow  of  Belshazzar 
The  Hour  of  Prayer 
The  Squire's  Story   . 
The  Happiest  Couple 
Uouiva 

Farmer  Bent's  Sheep  Washing 
The  Deutsch  Maud  Muller 
ObirleB  Sumner 
The  Bricklayers 
A  Stranger  in  the  Pew 
1'he  Mistletoe- Bough 
The  Puzzled  Census  Taker     . 
The  Voices  at  the  Throne 
Hans  Breitir.ann's  Parly 
Rob  Roy  MacGregoi 
Der  Drummer 

The  Yankee  and  the  Dutchman'*  Doa 
Popping  the  Question 
The  Bumpkins  Courtship 
The  Happy  Life 
At  the  Soldiers'  Graves 
Nobody  there    . 
The  Factory-Girl's  Diary 
In  the  Tunnel    . 
w  Jones  "... 
The  Whistler 
"  Good  and  Better  ■ 
Jakic  on  W-ntei  melon  Pickle  . 
The  Old  Methodist's  Testimony 

8oid  by  all  booksellers  and  nttcs'hnlers,  and  sent  by  mail,  paxtpvthl.  <>n 
receipt  of  price. 

LEE   &   SKEPARD.   Publishers,   Boston. 


George  M.  Baker. 
Leigh  Hunt 
Ahline- 

Mark  Twain. 

Done/las  JcrrolePs  Fireside.  Saint* 

Whittier. 

E.  V.  Stedman. 

John  11.  i  ates. 

Capt.  Marryut 

Walter  Thornbv.ry 

Dickens's  "  Miauui  F^tmtt,* 

Scott. 

Korner 

Adelaide  Procter 

Rosa  Hurtwick  Thorpe. 

Artemus  Ward. 

Charles  Sumner. 
Barry  CornwalL 
Mrs.  If  mans 

John  Phmnix. 

Sheridan. 

Tennyson. 

Carl  Pr<tzpl 
Carl  Schurz 
G.  //.  Barnes 
Harper's  Mag 
Bayley. 
J.  G   Saott 
1.  Westicood. 
Charles  G.  Lelan£. 
Walter  Scott 
Charles  F.  Adams. 


Sir  ii-  iirtj  WvtttfH. 
I:')':/--:  •:  L'oli'.:  i . 
Ajiovyit.uu*. 
JiorUfH. 


You  will  find  one  of  your  Favorites  among  50  of  the  Choicest 
Selections  in  the 


M 


Reading  Club  and  Handy  Speaker 

Edited  by  George  M.  Baker. 
Pi-ice,  cloth,  50  cents;  paper,  IS  cent*- 
CONTENTS. 


The  Rescue  ,. 

The  Pickwickians  on  Ice  . 

A  Picture  ... 

Tube's  Monument 

The  Two  Anchois 

The  Old  Ways  nod  the  New 

By  the  Alma  River    . 

l;;al  Scene  from  "  Merchant  of  Venice 

The  Sisters 

Farm-Yard  Song 

The  Fortune-Hunter 

Curing  a  Cold  -        ,  v    - 

I.i  the  Bottom  Drawer 

luii  Irian  Idyls 

Over  the  Ui'er 

The  Modeat  Cousin 

Biddy's  Troubles 

T'.ie  Mm  with  a  Cold  in  his  Head    . 

Harry  and  I 

The  Shadow  on  the  Wall 

The  Little  Puzzler 

A  Traveller's  Evening  Song 

Calling  a  Buy  in  the  Morning  . 

Cooking  and  Courting 

A  Tragical  Tale  of  the  Tropics 

The  Paddock  Elms 

The  Bobolink 

Toothache 

The  Opening  of  the  Piano 

Fress  On  •    -4,  •     . 

The  Beauty  of  Youth 

Queen  Mab  .  . 

A  Militia  General  . 

Address  of  Spottycus 

Our  Visitor,  and  what  he  came  for 

*  Whr.t's  the  Matter  with  that  Nose  ? 

Workers  and  Thinkers 

The  Last  Ride   ...... 

Baby  Atlas  ... 

Possession  ..... 

There  is  no  Death 

The  Learned  Negro  . 

Nearer,  my  Cod,  to  Thee 

A  Snort  Sermon  ... 

3oin'  Home  To-day 

The  Broken  Pitcher  ■         .        , 

i  Baby's  Soliloquy 

The  Double  Sacrifice 

lmul»y  Morning 

Che  Quaker  Meeting 


John  Broionjohn. 

Dickens. 

Mrs.  II.  A.  Binghatlm 

Elizabeth  Kilham. 

/?.  //.  Stoddard* 

John  II.  Vales. 

Miss  Mu loch. 

Shaksrxare. 

John  G.  Whittier. 

John  G.  Sure 
Murk  Twain. 

Alfred  Perceval  Grant* 

Priest. 

Sherida?i  Knowle*. 


Sara  I  M.  B.  PUm, 
Mrs.  Hemans 


Tom  to  Ned. 


B.  E.  Woolj 
Aldine. 


Atlantic  Monthly. 
Park  Benjamin. 
Theodore  Parker. 
Borneo  and  Juliet- 
Thomas  Corwin- 


Our  Eat  Contributor. 

Buski?i. 

Nora  Perry. 

(keen  3/eredith. 

Sir  E.  Bulicer  Lytton. 

Congregation  a  lif,t. 

Sarah  E.  Adams. 

Not  by  a  Hard- Shell  Baptist. 

jr.  M.  Carlfton. 

Anonymous. 

Arthur  William  Austin 
George  A.  Baker,  jun. 
Samuel  Lover. 


leUi  bfi  all  booksellers  (nil  nnc.'dtalet s,  or  sent  by  mail  on  receipt  c,      mt 

A-KE  0  SHEPARD,  Publishers,  Boslgj 


You  will  And  the  Piece  you  are  looking  for  among  60  of  the  Choicest 
Selections  in  the 


M 


Reading  Club  and  Handy  Speaker 

Edited  by  George  M.  Baker. 

Price,  cloth,  50  cents;  paper,  10  cents. 

CONTENTS. 

.     Robert  Buchanan 
.    Dicktm 


Fra  Giacorao 

Bob  Cnitchit's  Christmas-Dinner 
The  First  Snow-Fail      . 
i  ha  Countess  and  the  Serf  . 
Amelia's  Unfortunate  Young  Man 

Losses     

ftlad  Luce        .        .        •  • 
The  Solemn  Book-Agent 
What  the  Old  Man  paid 
Bone  and  Sinew  and  Brain  . 
Pat  and  the  Oysters 

Twilight 

The  Singer      .... 

Speech  of  the  Hon    AV-vt^o  T'e^bodf   on 

the  Acquisition  of  f!ui>a 
Bunker  Hill    .... 
Two  Births     .... 
The  Old  Fogy  Man 
Auction  Mad  •        . 

The  Wedding-Fee . 
Schneider's  Tomatoes    . 
The  Wolves    .... 
The  Ballad  of  the  Oystermap 
The  Deck-Hand  and  the  Muk* 
A  Lay  of  Real  Life 
Riding  Down  .... 
The  Minute-men  of  75 
Uncle  Reuben's  Baptism 
How  Persimmons  took  Cah  ob  der  Bnb> 
The  Evils  of  Ignorance 
bcenes  from  the  School  of  Reform 
Ambition        .... 
The  Victories  of  Peace 
For  Love         .... 
The  Flower-Mission,  junior 
The  Sons  of  New  England  . 
The  Jonesville  Singin'  Quire 
The  Last  Tilt 
The  Burial  of  the  Dane 
Appeal  in  Behal!  of  American  Liberty 
The  Church  of  the  Best  Licks 
The  Roman  Soldier.     Destruction 

culaneum 
Temperance   .... 
Roast  Pig.     A  Bit  of  Lamb  . 
Bim-lia  Similibus   . 
Two  Loves  and  a  Life  . 
The  Recantation  of  Galileo. 
Wusqwnues      .... 
The  Law  of  Kindness ;  or,  The 

man's  Railway  Signal  . 
Ode  ..... 
Mi.  Stiver's  Hone 


ZS  A  by  2ll  bookta 


James  Russell  Lowell- 
J.  Sheridan  Knowlet. 
Mark  Twain. 
Francis  Browne. 
All  the  Year  Round. 
Detroit  Free  Press. 
Alice  Robbins. 
John  Boyle  O'Reilly. 

Spanish  Gypsy. 
Alice  Williamjg. 


George  H.  Calvert. 
Charles  J,  Sprague. 


R  M.  Streeter. 
Charles  F.  Adams. 
J.  T.  Trowbridge. 
Oliver  Wendell  Holmes, 

Tom  Hood. 
Nora  Perry. 
George  William  Curtit. 
Yicksburg  Herald. 
St.  Nicholas. 
Horace  Mann. 
Thomas  Morton. 
Henry  Clay. 
Charles  Sumner. 

Earl  Marble. 

Hon.  George  B.  Loring. 

My  Opinion*  and  Betsey  JnAwm 

ftetvrv  3.  Hirst. 

Henry  Howard  BrownelL 

Stern/ 

Edicard  Eggleston. 

Ather  stone. 

Wendell  F>u'ip». 
Chetrles  Lamb. 

William  Su'~it?r. 
Francis  E.  *tale*q&. 
K  K. 

Eliliu  Burritt. 

Geoiye  Sennott. 

The  Danbury  New*  M*%. 

?s  and   narsd'a'ers,  and  sent  by  mail,  poatpfC     m 
receipt  of  price. 


of  Her- 


Old  Wo- 


LEE  4  SHEPARD,  Publishers,  Boston 


No.6 


The  Best  Yet.     50  Rare  Selections. 

Reading  Club  and  Handy  Speaker, 


Edited  by  George  M.  Baker. 

Price,  cloth,  60  cents  ;  paper,  15  cents. 

CONTENTS. 


Count  Eberhard's  Last  Foray Thou.  S.  Collier. 

Tammy's  Prize 

Deaf  and  Dumb Anna  F.  Burnham. 

The  Changed  Cross 

Virginius  to  the  Roman  Army Elijah  Kellogg. 

The  Fountain  of  Youth Ilrzekiah  But'terworth. 

They  Met 

Clerical  Wit 

Greelev's  Ride Mark  Twain. 

Der  Shoemaker's  Poy 

The  Sergeant  of  the  Fiftieth  ........ 

The  Fan  Drill Spectator. 

Warning  to  Woman 

The  Cavalry  Charge F.  A.  Durivage. 

Widow  Stebbins  on  Homoeopathy Charles  F.  Adams. 

The  Fight  at  Lookout It.  L.  Cary,  Jun. 

The  Well-Digger John  G.  Saxe. 

Behind  Time Freeman  Hunt. 

A  Miracle , Charles  II.  Webber. 

Weaving  the  Web 

The  Great  Future George  F.  Hoar. 

A  Christmas  Carol 

*'  Them  Yankee  Blankits  " Samuel  W.  Small.      ' 

Jim  Lane's  Last  Message Sherman  D.  Richardson, 

One  Touch  of  Nature 

A  Disturbance  in  Church Max  Adeler. 

The  Palmer's  Vision J.  G.  Holland. 

A  "  Sweeter  Revenge  " 

The  Farmer's  Story David  Hill. 

Paddy  O'Rafther Samuel  Lover. 

The  Fireman's  Prayer Russell  II.  ConweU. 

Down  with  the  Heathen  Chinee! New-  York  Sun. 

John  Chinaman's  Protest M.  F.  D. 

The  Sweet  Singer  of  Michigan 

Ten  Years  After Kate  Putnam  Osgood, 

Putty  and  Varnish Josh  Billings. 

Nationality Rufus  C'hoale. 

Tacking  Ship  off  Shore Walter  Mitchcl. 

Immortality Phillips  Brooks. 

Mr.  Coville  Proves  Mathematics J.  31.  Bailey. 

Blind  Ned Irwin  Russell. 

The  Benediction Francois  Coppee. 

"  Conquered  at  Last" Maria  L.  Eve. 

The  Ship-Boy's  Letter 

An  Irish  Love-Letter George  M.  Baker. 

Reserved  Power 

Talk  about  Shooting 

The  King's  Kiss Nora  Perry. 

Joe's  Bespeak 

A  Disturbed  Parent 

Sold  by  all  booksellers  and  newsdealers,  and  sent  by  mail,  postpaid,  on 
receipt  of  price. 

LEE  &  SHEPARD,  Publishers.  Boston. 


You  will  find  nothing  but  rare  Gem*  in  the  50  Choice  SeleetieM  la  ftte 

Reading-Club  and  Handy  Speaker. 


u 


Edited  by  George  M.  Baker. 
Price,  cloth,  50  cents  ;  paper,  15  cents. 

CONTENTS. 


A  Royal  Princess Christina  G.  Rossetti. 

A  Reminiscence 77.  B.  Hooker,  D.D. 

The  Lust  Hymn Marianne  Farningham 

The  Fool's  Prayer Atlantic. 

The  Dead  Student Will  Carleton. 

Greatest  Walk  on  Record 

Drawing  Water 

This  Side  and  That George  Macdonald. 

Civil  War Anonymous. 

A  Modern  Sermon    ........ 

That  Calf *-    .  Phabe  Gary. 

The  New  Dixie  .       .       . <?.  L.  C. 

The  National  Game  ........ 

CnpJp  Moiiick  Dines  with  his  Master     ••      .      .  J.  R.  Eggleston. 
MiTinl's  Misery    ......... 

San  Kenito Helen  M.  Gilbert, 

How  Randa  went  over  the  River       .      .      .      .  C.  C.  Coffin. 

The  Ladies Mark  Twain. 

Two  Fishers Harper's  Weekly. 

Left  Alone  at  Eighty 

"  Dashing  Rod."  Trooper S.  Conant  Foster. 

Orient  Yourself        ........  Horace  Mann. 

Rhymes  at  Random        ....... 

The  (  arpenter's  Wooing,  and  the  Sequel      .      .  Tatccob  Strauss. 

A  Diimorous  Dare-Devil       ......  Bulwer. 

HoheuliDden       .........  Campbell. 

St.  Leon's  Toast 

The  Patriot  Spy F.  M.  Finch. 

How  Neighbor  Wilkins  got  Religion     .       .       .  James  Berry  Bensei 

Jim  Wolie  and  the  Cats         ......  AfarA*  Twain. 

Pledge  to  the  Dead William  Winter. 

A  London  Bee  Story       .......  Quiz. 

A  College  Widow Acta  Columbiana. 

11  He  Giveth  His  Beloved  Sleep  "      .      .      .      .  J.C.Huntington. 

Hannibal  at  the  Altar     .......  Elijah  Kellogg. 


Creeds  of  the  Bells   .      .      .      . '     .-     ,      ,      .    J. 
The  Pomological  Society 

Ave  Maria Cornhill  Magazine 

The  Singer's  AItub   ........ 

Family  Portraits School  for  Scandal. 

The  Irish  Boy  and  the  Priest       ..... 

The  Retort 

A  Free  Seat 

Paddle  Your  Own  Canoe       ...... 

All 's  Well  that  Ends  Well 

Jimmy  Butler  and  the  Owl  ......    Anonymous. 

A  Modern  Heroine Elizabeth  Cumtnga 

Down  Hill  with  the  Brakes  Off 9.  H.  Jessop. 

On  the  Channel  Boat G.  L.  C. 

The  Pin 

Sold  by  all  booksellers  and  newsdealers,  and  sent  by  mail,  post-paid, 
receipt  of  price. 

LEE  A  SHEPARD,  Publishers,  Boston. 


You  will  fin 

lo.S 


You  wiirfind  both  Wit  and  Sentiment  in  ihe  50  Choice  Selections  in  the 

Keading-Olub  and  Handy  Speaker, 

Edited  by  George  M.  Baker. 

Price,  cloth,  SO  cents  ;  paper,  15  cents. 

CONTENTS. 

The  Defence  of  Luoknow Tennyson. 

Paul  Clifford's  Defence .  Bulwer. 

The  Outlaw's  Yarn Michael  Lynch. 

Labor  is  Worship Francis  S.  Osgood. 

The  Legend  of  the  White  Hand        .       .      .  Lucy  Wade  Eerrick. 

Two  Dreams H.  H. 

People  will  Laugh 

"  Christianos  ad  Leones  ! " Francis  A.  Durirage. 

Ballad  of  the  Bell- Tower      .       .       .       .       .  Margaret  J.  Preston. 

A  Sermon  for  the  Sisters Irwin  Russell. 

Mrs.  Brown  at  the  Play Arthur  Sketchley. 

Dutch  Security 

From  One  Stand-point    ......  M.  F.  Butts. 

The  Captive Henry  Phillips,  Jr. 

The  Peril  of  the  Mines 

Aunt  Phillis's  Guest       .......  Wm.  C.  Gannett. 

Annie's  Ticket 

Along  the  Line .  Irwin  Russell. 

The  Divorce  Feast 

The  Indian  Warrior's  Defence     .... 

The  Farmer  and  the  Barrister     ....  Horace  Smith. 

Yankee  Courtship 

London  Zoological  Gardens        .... 

Apples  —  A  Comedy BlackwoooVs  Magazine, 

Old  Grimes A.  G.  Green. 

Daisy's  Faith Joanna  H.  Matheios. 

Father  William R.  Southey. 

Parody  on  "  Father  William  "    .  Adventures  in  Wonderland 

The  Grave  of  the  Greyhouud      ....  Spencer. 
A  New  Version  of  the  Parable  of  the  Virgins 

Song  of  the  Mystic Father  Ryan. 

The  Fast  Mail John  H.  Yates. 

De  'Sperience  ob  de  Reb'rend  Quacko  Stroug 

The  Patter  of  the  Shingle 

The  Girl  of  the  Crisis Walter  Smith. 

The  Rich  Man  and  the  Poor  Man      .       .       .  Khemnitzer. 
A  Colored  Debating  Society       .... 

Shiftless  Neighbor  Ball Mrs.  Annie  Preston. 

Lanty  Leary Samuel  Lover. 

The  Baron's  Last  Banquet A.  G.  Green. 

The  Last  of  the  Sarpints 

The  Dilemma O.  W.  Holmes. 

A  Brick 

An  Evangel 

A  Thirsty  Boy Burlington  Hawkeye. 

Masked  Batteries .  "  Vanity  Verses." 

The  Story  of  the  Tiles Golden  Age. 

The  City  Man  and  Setting  Hen  . 

Miss  Edith's  Modest  Request     ....  Bret  Harte. 

The  Man  with  a  Bear 

Sold  by  all  booksellers  and  newsdealers,  and  sent  by  mail,  post-paid,  *i 
receipt  of  price. 

LEE  &  SHEPARD,  Publishers,  Boston. 


NOVELTIES    IN   ENTERTAINMENTS. 


BALLADS    I IV    BLACK. 

A  Series  of  Original  Readings,  to  be  produced  as 

SHADOW   FA.I>TT01vrilVlES- 

With  Full  Directions  for  Representation,  by  F.  E.  Chase. 

Illustrated  with  Fifty  full-page  Silhouettes,  by  J.  F.  Goodrich,  containing 
the  following  Pantomimes : 

DRINK,  ANONYMOUS, 

DRIGGS  AND  HIS  DOUBLE,  CINDERELLA, 

ORPHEUS,  THE  ORGAN-GRINDER,  IN  PAWN. 

Price  in  Boards,  Illustrated  Cover,  $1.00. 

Eitber  of  the  above  pantomimes  will  be  sold  singly  at  25  cents. 


A.  WARD'S  WAX    FIGGER    SHOW. 

"A  serious  of  wax  staioots  (called  by  fcv\  and  exceld  by  none." 

Arranged   as  an  entertainment   similar  to  the   well-known   Jarley's  Wax 
Works;  with  a  descriptive  lecture  in  the  language  of  the  renowned  humorist, 
PRICE  25  CTS. 


-A.3ST    OR.IGIKTAL     OPERETTA, 

For  two  male  and  two  female  characters,  entitled, 

ANASTASIA;  or,  The  Peer  and  the  Pretty  One. 

By  HENRY  M.  BAKER.    Price  25  Cts. 


BY    CEORCE    M.    BAKER, 

Author  of  "Amateur  Dramas"  "  The  Mimic  Stage,"  "The  Social  Stage,"  " The  Drawing- 
Room  Stage,"  "  Handy  Dramas,"  "  The  Exhibition  Drama"  "A  Baker's  Dozen"  etc. 
Titles  in  this  Type  are  New  Plays. 
Titles  in  this  Type  are  Temperance  Plays. 


Better  Than  Gold 
char 


DRAMAS. 

In  Four  A  cts. 

7  male,  4  female 


In  Three  Acts. 

Our  Folks.    6  male,  5  female  char.  .     .     15 
The   Flower  of  the  Family.    5 

male,  3  female  char 15 

Enlisted  for  the  War.     7  male,  3  fe- 
male characters 15 

My   Brother's   Keeper.     5  male,  3  fe- 
male char 15 

TJie  Little  Brown  Jug,     5  male,  3 

female  char. 15 

I?i  Two  Acts. 

Above  the  Clouds.    7  male,  3  female 
characters 15 

One  Hundred  Years  Ago.    7  male, 
4  female  char 15 

Among  the  Breakers.    6  male,  4  female 
char 15 

Bread  on  the  Waters.    5  male,  3  female 
char 15 

Down  by  the  Sea.     6  male,   3  female 
char 15 

Once  on  a  Time.     4  male,  2  female  char.     15 

TJie  Last  Loaf.     5  male,  3  female  char,     /s 
hi  One  Act. 

Stand  by  the  Flag.     5  male  char  .  <.  .      13 

The  Tempter.    3  male,  1  female  char.     15 

COMEDIES  AND  FAECES. 

A.  Mysterious  Disappearance.    4 

I        male,    3  female  char 15 

Paddle  ionr  Own  Canoe.    7  male, 

3  female  char *      15 

A  JDrop  too  Much.     4  male,  2  female 

characters 15 

A.  JAttle  More   Cider.    5  male,  3  fe- 
male char 15 

A  Thorn  Among  the  Roses.    2  male,  6 

female   char 15 

Never  Say  Die.     3  male,   3  female  char.     15 
Seeing  the  Elephant.     6  male,  3  female 

char 15 

The  Boston  Dip.     4  male,  3  female  char.     15 
The  Duchess  of  Dublin.     6  male,  4  fe- 
male char 15 

Thirty  Minutes   for   Refreshments. 

4  male,  3  female  char 15 

We're  all  Teetotalers.    4  male,  2  fe- 
male char 15 

Male  Characters  Only. 

A  Close  Shave.     6  char 15 

A  .Public  Benefactor.     6  char 15 

A  Sea  of  Troubles.     8  char.  .....      15 


COMEDIES,  &c,  continued. 

Male  Characters  Only. 

A  Tender  Attachment.    7  char.  ...  15 

Coals  of  Fire.    6  char.    „ 15 

Freedom  of  the  Press.    8  char.  ...  15 

Shall  Our  Mothers  VoteP  ti  char.  15 

Gentlemen  o»f  the  Jury      12  char.  «   .  15 

Humors  of   the    Strike.    8  char.    .     .  15 

My  Uncle  the  Captain.    6  char.    .    .  15 

New  Brooms  Sweep  Clean.    6  char.    .  15 

1    The  Great  Elixir.     9  char 15 

)  The  Hypochondriac.    5  char.  ....  15 
I  The  Man  with  the  Demijohn,    4 

I        char.      .         .          15 

Runaways.    4  char 15 

The  Thief  of  Time.    6  char.    .         .    .  15 

Wanted,  a  Male  Cook.    4  char.  .    .     ,  15 

Female  Characters  Only. 
A  Love  of  a  Bonnet.     5  char.    .         .15 

A  Precious  Pickle.     6  char 15 

No  Cure  no  Pay.     7  char. 15 

The  Champion  of  Her  Sex.    8  char.    .  15 

The  Greatest  Plague  in  Life.     8cha.  15 

The  Grecian  Bend.     7  char.    .  , .    .     .  15 

The  Red  Chignon.     6  char.    ....  15 

Using  the  Weed.    7  char. 15 

ALLEGORIES. 

Arranged  for  Music  and  Tableaux. 
Lightheart's     Pilgrimage.     8   female 

char.     . 15 

The    Revolt   of    the    Bees.    9  female 

char IS 

The  Sculptor's  Triumph,  i  male,  4  fe- 
male char. 15 

The  Tournament   of    Idylcourt.     10 

female  char. 15 

Thf  War  of  the  Roses.    8  female  char.      15 

MUSICAL  AND  DRAMATIC. 

An  Original  Idea,  x  male,  x  female 
char •     *5 

Bonbons  ;  or,  the  Paint  King.  6  male, 
t  female  char. 25 

Capulf  ta  ;  or,  Romeo  and  Juliet 
Restored.     3  male,  1  female  char.     .     15 

S    «ta  Claus'  Frolics.    ......    15 

Snow-bound  ;  or,  Alonzo  the  Brave 
and  the  Fair  Imogene.  3  male,  1 
female   char A    '    2S 

The  Merry  Christmas  of  the  Old 
Woman  who  lived  in  a  Shoe.    .    .    x$ 

The    Pedler    of    Very   Nice.     7  male 

The  Seven  Ages.     A  Tableau  Entertain- 
ment.   Numerous  male  and  female  char.     15 
Too  Late  for  the  Train.     2  male  char.     15 
The  Visions   of    Freedom,     ii  female 
char. 


Geo.  M.  Baker  &kCo.,  47.Franklin!St„  Boston. 


Baker's  Humorous  Dialogues. 
Baker's  Humorous  Dialogues. 


Male  characters  only.    26  cento. 
Female  characters  only,    15  cettt* 


I  l_J  /    L^KJ    I 


Binder 

Gaylord  Bros..  Inc. 

Stockton,  Calif. 

T.M.  Reg.  U.S.  Pat.  Off. 


M35301 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


